


Homeshrek Magica: Rewritten

by Calicornia



Category: Homestuck, Shrek (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Madoka Magica Fusion, Angst, Baseball, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 24,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26016787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calicornia/pseuds/Calicornia
Summary: Shrek was in the middle of his scene phase when his life changed forever.A rewrite of an old fic.
Relationships: Nepeta Leijon/Equius Zahhak
Comments: 16
Kudos: 16





	1. Prologue

"Dad, can you tell me the story about the girl who becomes a witch again?"

A young Shrek lay in bed, eyes half closing. He was ready to go to sleep and greet dreamland with a heart full of love and joy. His father sat at his bedside in a rocking chair, holding a book titled 'Ogre Fairy Tales'. His green skin was covered in liverspots, and his sunken eyes covered by reading glasses. Tomohisa Onionberg looked like your typical 40 year old ogre would.

"No son." Mr. Onionberg said as he gently closed the book, "I need to be up early to work at the Onion Fields."

The young ogre pouted, there was nothing more he wanted than to spend time with his family. And yet it was the only thing he could never get. His mother was always busy with her real estate job, and his father spent 15 hours a day working at the Onion Fields. No matter how many toys they bought him, no matter how much food he ate, he was never satisfied.

"Goodnight, son." Mr. Onionberg said as he turned off the lights, "Don't let the fairy tale creatures bite." Mr. Onionberg kissed his son on the cheek and made his way to the door.

"Dad."

"Yes son?"

Shrek held the tears in his eyes, for he didn't want to be a burden to his father. However, a deep yearning in his heart to spend time with his loved ones was stronger.

"Can we play catch tomorrow?"

Mr. Onionberg smiled.

"Sure son."

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Shrek was sound asleep when he was awoken by an ear piercing scream. His heart sank instantly when he recognized the sound as his mother's voice. He darted to the living room, the source of the sound, and saw something that made him wish he'd never woken up.

"We're coming to you live from the Alternia Onion Fields right now." The reporter said, "It appears that a flash flood has devastated the area at 5:30 AM, leaving about 120, no, 130 causalities and destroying the entire onion stock!"

Shrek shook as he looked at the clock, it was four hours after the incident had happened. 

Shrek thought of his father, on the Onion Fields. He was weeping. Weeping with ogre, weeping with onions, weeping, weeping, weeping. And as his mother locked eyes with him, he knew at last what the tenth layer was.

The tenth layer, was him.

* * *

Seven years since that day happened, Shrek still hadn't forgotten the hate and anger he felt that day. He wore dark eyeliner and a Fall Out Boy t-shirt as he walked into Alternia High School, where he would be starting 9th grade. As he parted the doors that separated the outside world and hell, he locked eyes with someone that would change his life forever.

A troll girl in the same grade as him, her horns sticking out of her head in a cone shape. A tuft of hair covered one lens of her glasses, and her attire was similar to his. She smirked, and revealed rows of sharp teeth to her new friend.

"My name is Terezi Pyrope." She held out her hand. "Nice to meetcha."


	2. Math

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek's first class on his first day.

"I'm Shrek Onionberg, nice to meet you." The ogre blushed ever so slightly. He didn't expect such a warm welcome from anyone. Yet here he was, striking up conversation with the first girl he laid eyes on.

  
"Shrek? Nice name." Terezi smirked and giggled, and Shrek began to question if she truly wanted to be friends or if she was just someone who wanted to mock him. Nevertheless, he smiled back at the troll girl standing in front of him. It was better to make friends who made light of you than to have no friends at all.

"Hey Terezi, who's this dweeb?" A voice from down the hall came. An upperclassman wearing a green suit and tie topped off with a top hat strode down the hall with two underclassmen behind him. Both were trolls, one with a pissed off expression that was accentuated by his thick eyebrows and emo clothes. Another with a streak of purple in his hair and hipster attire.

"He's Shrek." Terezi smiled, "An ogre who's new here."

She turned to Shrek, still holding that smile of hers in her mouth while her three friends stood by with a furious aura emitting from them.

"Shrek, this is the Once-ler. He's the leader of the Scene Emo Goth Alliance."

Despite the intimidation he felt, Shrek held out his hand for the Once-ler to shake.

"It's a pleasure to meet ya, Once-logre."

The two cronies behind the Once-ler gasped, and the man himself had his face curl into a disgusted expression. Wrong move, Shrek. You're about to be the last truffula tree. The scene ogre was backed into a locker by the furious beanpole, who was about to turn him into shloppity shlop.

"Listen here fuc-"

*RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING* *RRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING*

Saved by the bell. The Once-ler jumped back instantly and freed Shrek from his grasp.

"Fuck. Can't be late to Environmental Science." The Once-ler cleared his throat, and pointed directly at Shrek. "You. Me. 3:10 PM after school. Behind the dumpster and in front of the forest. Be there."

Shrek shook in his combat boots, what did he do wrong?

Shrek had a hard time deciphering his schedule, so he knew in his heart that he'd be late to class. He knew he had to be in a 'Mr. Portor's' class, but no rooms were labelled with a name like that. After opening random doors and interrupting a few classes, he finally reached the one he was supposed to be in.

"Okay. Now what is 7x9?"

"63!"

Shrek had blurted out the words as he opened the door, it was on reflex to do so. The whole class began to stare at him as he accidentally drew all of their attention to himself.

A goth kid wearing a wedding ring, a button up, and ripped jeans and was standing up to address the class, was the first to speak up.

"Um. I ask Levi for his answer." The stranger spoke, "My finger is pointing at him."

"O-oh..." Shrek scratched the back of his neck and laughed, "It's a good thing the teacher isn't here to see me. That would be embarrassing!"

The eyes of the stranger narrowed in annoyance.

  
"I AM the teacher."

  
"O-oh! I'm very sorry." Shrek blushed bright red, "You're just ver-"

  
"Short. I know." Mr. Portor glared, "Go to seat now."

  
Laughter from Shrek's fellow students, directed at both him and Mr. Portor, began. A deep fear began to fill Shrek as he felt all of Mr. Portor's rage be directed into him. Levi, the kid he was pointing at, was laughing the hardest.

  
"Dad ruo dna lapicnirp eht llet I ro, iveL pu kcuf eht tuhs." Mr. Portor commanded, and Levi ceased his laughter.

  
"Ynnuf saw ti natieF no emoc!" Levi groaned.

  
"Mr. Portor." The teacher was now so furious that the whole class began to heat up, "In class you call me Mr. Portor."

  
Everyone shut the fuck up as they read the room. 

  
Shrek wondered what language the two were speaking to each other as he scanned the class for a seat. Only one was empty.

  
The one next to the Once-ler's bushy-browed friend.

  
Shrek felt a pair of troll eyes follow him as he walked towards the only seat left to sit in. Trolls and humans alike snickered at him as sat down.

  
"Gon, look. He's frowning!"

  
"He's about to cry!"

  
"Why is his hair cut like that? It looks so dumb."

  
Tears welled up in Shrek's eyes. He knew that his hope for being accepted was null and void now. The only way to survive in a place like this would to be to wrap himself in layers, so many layers, that nobody could ever reach his core.

  
"Hurts, doesn't it?" The goon sitting next to him spoke. "They put me through a gauntlet of insults like that too."

  
"Really?" Shrek asked, "Why are they so mean?"

  
"Beats me." The goon rolled his eyes. "I think they're just jealous of our emo swag."

  
"Oh, but I'm scene." Shrek corrected.

  
"Scene, emo, goth, even ally." The boy sighed, "We're all in the black parade.."

  
Shrek hesitated for a second, was this someone he could really trust?

  
"I'm Karkat Vantas." The troll boy said, "Your name's Shrek right?"

  
Before he could answer, Shrek was interrupted.

  
"Shrek!" Mr. Portor said, "64x64! What is it?"

  
Without a moment of hesitation, Shrek blurted out the answer.

  
"4,096."

  
The whole class froze, it was an obvious question meant to trip him up and embarrass him for making fun of Mr. Portor's height.

  
"Evisserpmi..." Mr. Portor said under breath. "Karkat! 38x38!"

  
"1444. sir." 

  
The ogre looked at the troll next to him, and the troll looked at the ogre.

  
They both made a silent pact of rivalry, then and there.


	3. Chess

*RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIING* *RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING*

"Thank God." Mr. Portor sighed. "You all leave now."

"But Mr. Portor!" A student with neatly brushed white hair and a green Japanese school uniform said, "You didn't even ask for our names, or an introduction! Isn't that how the first day is supposed to go? Breaking the ice?"

"The only ice I break is the shaved one I get at carnival." The Gothic professor sternly said, "Now get out of here. I need alone time."

The students began to shuffle out of class, establishing their dominance over the scene and emo kid sitting in the back of the room.

"Fuckin' jocks, am I right?" Karkat's angry face didn't falter, but his tone of voice seemed more lighthearted than it did before. "Thinking they're so superior just because they don't listen to My Chemical Romance."

"I'm more of a Fall Out Boy guy." Shrek said nervously, "My Chemical Romance is a close second, though!"

Karkat's eyes narrowed and his brows furrowed. 

"Yeah, sure. See ya later, Shrek."

Shrek reread his schedule, his next class was history. He combed his hair with his fingers, cracked his knuckles, grabbed his bag and stood up to make the journey to his next class.

"Hey, ogre."

Mr. Portor was looking at Shrek in a way that could only spell 'trouble'. The immediate thought that came to Shrek's mind was that he was going to be punished for calling his 5 foot tall teacher short.

"I-I'm sorry Mr. Portogre!" Shrek shook, he thought of the things his mom would say if she found out, "Please don't tell my momogre."

Feitan's eyes radiated an unmatched furry, it was like he could see right through the young man.

"You made a wish , haven't you?"

"What?" Shrek blurted out. Of course he'd wished for things in the past, but he never dared say any of it out loud. He didn't believe in all of that wishing upon a star bullcrap.

"Never mind. Forget I ask." Mr. Portor said, his smile a thing of the past. "Don't be late to class."

Shrek's history class was far less eventful than math class, absolutely nothing interesting happened. The teacher, Mr. Lawliet, spent the whole 45 minutes eating a slice of strawberry cake in silence. English class, taught by Mr. Noir, was far more interesting.

"Okay class. I know none of you actually want to be here today. So I'm going to make things fun. Pick a partner, we're going to play some games."

Shrek sat in silence as everyone scrambled to pair up with friends that they've known for far longer than Shrek has had any friend. He trembled silently, dreading the inevitable disappointment of the person who would be forced to be his partner. He sulked into his crossed arms, and lay his head in them. The sounds of his classmates talking to each other merely made him tear up.

"Hey Shrek! It looks like we're in the same class."

Shrek looked up, and saw her. Terezi Pyrope.

"T-Terezi?" Shrek stammered, "Y-you wanna be partners?"

The troll girl gave the toothy grin she did before, and Shrek felt all the anxiety inside of him fade. Shrek thought of his father, on the onion fields. He was smiling, smiling with ogre, smiling with onions, smiling, smiling, smiling, and as his new friend sat next to him, he knew at last what the tenth layer was. The tenth layer, was him. Maybe, just maybe, he was going to survive this place after all. 

"Alright class." Mr. Noir pulled out several chess boards, "It's game time."

Shrek and Terezi got the mario chess set. Laughter was shared by the two when they realized that Luigi was the queen piece rather than Peach. 

"It's a good thing we're playing with pieces that all feel different, I can't see the other ones properly." Terezi said as she moved a goomba, "My sight was out for awhile, and it's only recently come back."

"So you're... Blind?" Shrek asked as he moved Peach.

"Legally still." Terezi knocked Peach out with a koopa shell, "It's kind of weird having my sight back, I was so used to moving around with my cane and seeing with my nose and mouth."

"That sounds cool!" Shrek said as he went in for the kill on that koopa shell with Luigi, "Being scene is all about nonconformity after all."

"I'm actually emo." Terezi said. She moved Bowser Jr. to knock out Luigi.

"Sorry." Shrek thought carefully about his next move, but he was thinking more about what Terezi said.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did you get your sight back?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

The conversation between the two ceased. Terezi kept her mouth shut for the rest of the chess match, knocking out each of Shrek's pieces until...

"Hehe, checkmate!" The tealblood laughed, "You left Mario open!"

Terezi pointed at the diagonal arc that her Kamek would make to take out Mario. Shrek smiled two, what a smart and funny friend he had now. The bell rang, and Shrek was off to lunch.


	4. Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek eats lunch, and maybe makes some new friends.

Shrek sat alone at lunch, at a table in the corner where nobody dared to sit. Why? Because it was close to the bathroom. The young scene ogre thought that maybe he might as well just sit in the bathroom to eat, but he didn't want anyone coming in there to take a fat shit as he ate.

He opened up his lunch bag, an onion sandwich with a 'have a nice day' note from mom. Shrek smiled, she'd drawn Gerard Way, his second favorite musician, on the note. It was for sure a keeper.

He dug into the onion sandwich, and watched around him. All his peers seemed to be formed into cliques. There was the jocks, Levi from math class and some blond kid in sunglasses seemed to be controlling the conversation the lot of them were having. Something about the track team, Shrek didn't really give a shit. And near them was the girly girls, which were mostly trolls. They were doing each other's makeup and talking about some TV show that's really popular on Netflix. Game of Thrones, Shrek thought, because of the mention of some guy named John. And finally, there was the Once-ler and his fellow goons, the emos. No, the posers. Karkat and Terezi sat silently next to him, eating their lunch as their leader ate his caviar and talked loudly with the squiggly horned troll next to him.

Terezi looked at Shrek, and gave him a warm smile. Shrek smiled back as she tapped Karkat and took his attention to Shrek. The troll boy raised his hand to wave. While these gestures were nice, Shrek knew that the Once-ler would never allow him to sit next to him. He turned his gaze away, and continued to eat the cuisine his mother prepared for him.

"Hey." A voice said to Shrek, "You're thitting in our theat, nerd."

Shrek cringed for a second, another bully? On day one of school? He really can't catch a break, can he. His eyes turned to look at the source of the voice, and the scene ogre was met with something completely unexpected.

Two smiling trolls. They weren't emo... No, they were nerds. The one on the left was a girl with ram horns. Her hair was bushy and her lips were coated in a red matte gloss. She wore a button up and a long skirt with holes in it, with several bracelets on her right hand. The one on the right was a brace faced boy, his greasy hair was topped by four symmetrical horns and he was wearing these old school glasses that hid his eyes. His shirt, which said 'It's dangerous to go alone, take this' was clearly too big for his skinny body.

Shrek just stared for a second, were they trying to be nice? Bully him? If it was the latter, he wouldn't know how to react. Was he so pathetic that even total goobers thought of him as prey?

They stared back, their awkward smiles only seeming more strained by the second.

"Sollux, I don't think the joke landed." The girl spoke, side eyeing her consort awkwardly. She looked back at Shrek. "You can sit with us, but this is where we sat all of freshman year. So we're going to sit here too, alright?"

Shrek nodded, and the two sat in the vacant seats on the other side of the table.

"I'm Thollux." The boy said, holding out his hand to shake Shrek's, "But hold the Th."

"So... Ollux?" Shrek furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Sollux." The girl spoke, and held out her hand, "I'm Aradia."

Shrek shook both hands at the same time in an awkward fashion. These two seemed to hold no hate in the heart for what Shrek is. While Shrek didn't converse with them for the rest of lunch, besides Sollux asking for Shrek's opinions on video games and anime he's never heard of every so often, he felt as if he'd made a few more friends today.

The bell rung, and lunch was over.

Shrek sat in his last few classes with fear in his heart. He wondered if there was a way to convince the Once-ler that violence isn't the answer, that they could both be friends. Could he really convince someone so set in his ways of superiority that he was worthy of mercy? He didn't have any more time to find out. As the bell rung and the biology teacher, Mr. Spikemuth, dismissed the class, Shrek felt a deep fear inside of him.

One way, or another, the Once-ler would confront him after school. He's seen movies, the bully always finds the victim after school and gives the beat down on them. He frantically shoved his cargo of textbooks in his locker. He looked around him, while there were other students bustling in the halls and he couldn't see others very well, he thought he was in the clear. Shrek was almost out the door when he felt a sudden jerk coming from his backpack. He turned around, and to his horror, it was the one he wanted to see the least.

The Once-ler and the hipster troll boy he saw before school started were standing there, menacingly. The glare on both their faces told Shrek all he needed to know.

"Hey, Ogre boy." The green suited boy said, "Let's take this behind the school."

Shrek felt two more of the Once-ler's goons approach behind him and push, push and push him around to the center of a ring of students who'd come out to seen the fight. Apparently, a lot of people had caught rumor of the fight that would ensue on Shrek's first day of high school. Really? Was this really going to happen?

The Once-ler parted the wall of students like he was Moses and this was the old testament. He smirked, looking at his prey in front of him. His win was basically guaranteed, Shrek may have been bigger than him, but there was no way he'd ever learned proper combat. The defenseless Ogre watched as his opponent whipped out an axe, seemingly out of thin air.

"Hey!" Shrek attempted to back up, only to be pushed back into the pit, "Can't we settle this over a pint?"

Unfortunately for him, the Once-ler sat on his throne of lies and frauds. He swaggered on over to Shrek, smirk on his face and axe in hand. He raised his weapon like a snake bears its teeth before swallowing a rat.

"Well ogre boy." He taunted, "Let's see how bad I can possibly be!"


	5. Shrek vs. The Once-ler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek is confronted by his biggest bully.

Shrek's eyes began to water, were his peers really going to allow the Once-ler to do this to him? On the first day of school of all days?

"Please Oncelogre!" Shrek pleaded, thinking faster than he'd ever thought before, "I don't want to fight you!"

The Once-ler's face turned from a sadistic smile to an angry glare.

"Do NOT call me an ogre." He lifted his axe and swung at Shrek, missing by just a few inches. "You freak."

"O-kay!" Shrek shook in his boots once more, "I will never do it again! I promise!"

The Once-ler was laughing again, swinging and swinging his axe at his classmate. Even some of the goons that were surrounding the two boys began to look horrified. It became apparent to Shrek, as he was narrowly dodging the swings from his bully, that this was being taken too far. Some even dashed away, possibly to alert a teacher or to protect themselves from getting hit, or even worse.

Getting in trouble.

"What's the matter Shrek!?" The Once-ler cackled, "Onions don't have layers?"

"What the hell are you talking about!?" Shrek dodged a rather aggressive swing of the Once-ler's axe, "What's your problem!?"

The Once-ler didn't vocalize his answer, but Shrek already knew the answer. For one reason or another, this was how he raised social rank among the other students. And for another reason or another, Shrek felt slightly less afraid. For he knew that if he wasn't picked out as prey, some other poor kid would be in his place.

"C'mon ogre boy!" The Once-ler panted, "Don't be a pussy! Pull out your weapon!"

"Weapon?" Shrek's brow furrowed, "What the hellogre are you talking about?"

"Oncie! Stop it!"

Terezi had entered the ring somehow, and was yanking on the arm of the green suited boy. Tears were in her orange, slightly vacant eyes behind the red glasses that poorly masked them.

Her 'friend' turned to look at her.

"Don't try and stop me, bitch!" The Once-ler began to bang against Terezi's head with the butt of his axe in an attempt to push her off. "You don't want to take his place, do you?"

"I will if you'll leave him alone!" Terezi dug her nails and teeth into the Once-ler's coat. She was clearly in pain from her head being hit so much. "He's not even what you think he is you piece of garbage!"

"Don't talk to me like that, bitch!" Once-ler raised his axe, and time seemed to freeze.

Shrek thought of his father, on the onion fields. But now was not the time to weep. It was time to take action. The ogre charged at the Once-ler with full force, a fury rushing through his body like no other. The Once-ler had no time to react as his axe was ripped from his hand and a punch was thrust into the face of the Once-ler at full force. Shrek felt a crack, was it his knuckle or the Once-ler's jaw? He couldn't tell, and he didn't care. The Once-ler spat up a tooth before another punch landed from Shrek's other hand.

The axe clanged on the ground, and the Once-ler followed. Teal drops of water fell onto the ground. Terezi was still crying, and this infuriated Shrek.

"DON'T YOU EVER THINK ABOUT TOUCHING HER LIKE THAT AGAIN!" Now it was time to weep. Shrek was weeping. Weeping with rage, weeping with confusion, and weeping for Terezi. And as he turned around and saw one of his classmate's shocked face, standing next to one of the teachers. He knew at last who was in deep shit.

The one in deep shit, was him.

"Levi. Get in car now." Mr. Portor looked at Levi.

"But-"

"GET IN CAR, LEVI. Or I tell dad."

The air around the five of them warmed up, everyone else had ran away. Shrek wondered, did he scare them off? Somehow, that felt worse than being punished for what he just did. Levi sulked and walked away, with Mr. Portor watching to make sure he went into their car.

"M-Mr. Portogre h-h-e-" Shrek stuttered, "I-I-"

"We're going to principal's office." Feitan said, his voice was stern but it seemed almost as if he was stifling a smile under his demeanor. As if this was something that amused him deep down. "All three of you."

* * *

  
"So..." The principal read. He was a middle aged man who looked like he hadn't slept in years. His glasses covered eyes with bags that would put gucci to shame. His short, brown hair was buzzed off and topped a forehead with permanent age lines. His beard was carefully trimmed, and his suit was purple. It was a strange juxtaposition from the demeanor on his face. "The Once-ler attacked you with an axe, and then he started hitting Tammy."

"Terezi!" Shrek corrected.

"Terezi..." The man nodded, "Yes Terezi."

The principal's gloved hand tapped his desk, and Shrek caught a glimpse of his name plate. Mr. Ikari was his name. He looked behind Shrek, a subtle movement. Mr. Portor was staring him down, Shrek could feel it. The ogre boy braced himself for whatever punishment he'd get from them, but even worse, from his mother.

"Well Feitan, what do you suppose I do?" Mr. Ikari raised his arms awkwardly, "His story lines up with Terezi's, besides the axe part."

"Wh-" Feitan blurted out, "Why are you using my first name in front of student!?"

Shrek didn't see it, but he could hear the embarrassment in Mr. Portor's voice. He instead say the reaction from his boss, who seemed very relaxed. As if he didn't really care that this happened.

"Sorry, just slipped out." Mr. Ikari yawned. "Also, while I was 'typing' up Shrek's 'story' on my laptop, I was just on youtube looking for the video of the fight to see who was in the right. And lo and behold..."

Mr. Ikari flipped his laptop around, and on the screen was a video titled 'Alternia High School Fight: Once-ler vs. Newbie'. Shrek watched as the Once-ler attempted to agitate him, and him beating on Terezi. But with his fist. Not an axe in sight.

Maybe he imagined it in an adrenaline fueled psychosis.

"This video clearly shows that Shrek was trying to protect Tammy." Mr. Ikari closed the laptop. "We have to suspend the student that recorded it, but I don't think we should suspend Shrek."

"Mr. Ikari." Feitan glared at his boss, "He punch another student."

"And? That same student was hitting an innocent girl trying to diffuse the fight. "He was trying to defend her."

Shrek began to sweat, the room around him felt like it was burning. Was he having a panic attack? He couldn't tell. He tapped out of the conversation and instead cracked his fingers in an attempt to distract himself. There was bickering between the both of them, before the final sentence in the argument was stated.

"Okay. Shrek and Terezi will get detention this whole week." Mr. Ikari leaned on his hand, he seemed irritated, but mostly unfazed, "The Once-ler will get a three day suspension. Happy?"

Mr. Portor nodded, and he made sure to leave the room as quickly as he could.

"UGH..." Mr. Ikari sighed, "Guy can't lighten up for a fuckin' second, can he?"

Shrek stifled a laugh. Did the principal just say 'fuck'? And in front of him?

"Oh shi-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiababab daada dadababab!" Mr. Ikari corrected himself before letting another curse slip, "It seems like you're still here. Go on home now, detention starts tomorrow."

Shrek had a walk of shame out of school. Yeah, he saved Terezi. But his momogre was going to be pissed! And Terezi probably hated him for scaring her, and everyone else off. His mascara ran down his face, and wished he could afford a waterproof brand.

"Yo Shrek!"

The scene ogre turned around to see the source of the voice. It was Karkat, running towards him. The emo troll halted to a stop once he was in talking, and not yelling, distance. Despite this, he continued to speak with an outside voice.

"I wanted to ask for your number!"

"O-oh Karkogre..." Shrek blushed, "I may be bishrexual, but I prefer to get to know someone before dating them."

"N-no dumb ass!" Karkat shouted, even louder than he already does, "I just want a study buddy for Mr. Portor's class. I have an older brother who barely passed his class, and I don't want to piss off crabdad by following in his stupid footsteps."

Shrek smiled, and pulled out his phone. The two boys exchanged numbers.

"So, how do you spell your name? S-H-R-E-C-K?" Karkat asked.

"Close, there's no C."

"Awesome! Just don't be a fucking idiot and we'll keep in touch." Karkat gave a thumbs up, "Also, Terezi wants you to know that she's sorry the Once-ler attacked you. She's not mad at you, or even him. Just think of it as water under the bridge for you two. I think she's a fucking idiot for forgiving him, but you haven't pissed me off yet."

Shrek teared up again, and then thought of his father, on the onion fields. He was weeping, weeping with ogre, weeping with onions. Weeping, weeping, weeping. And as Karkat waved goodbye to him as he diverted his path from his, he knew at last who his friends were.

His friends were Karkat and Terezi.


	6. Dentention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek gets punished for fighting the Once-ler.

"Hey Threk. Heard you beat up the Onthe-ler."

Those were the first words that were spoken directly to Shrek on his second day of school. Sollux and Aradia sat at their little table next to the bathroom doors, playing some sort of nerdy card game. Shrek sat on the table side with the back faced to the rest of the cafeteria. He didn't really feel comfortable sitting next to either of these guys yet.

"Sollux, I don't think that's a very polite thing to say to him." Aradia flipped over one of her cards, "He looks very beat up right now."

"How'th he the one that lookth beat up?" Sollux slapped down a card, "He'th the one that won!"

Shrek groaned and put in his earbuds so he wouldn't have to listen to them bickering. Both Terezi and Karkat had ignored him in class, but he didn't mind. He didn't even make an attempt to talk to either of them. Shrek just wanted to curl up and surround himself in layers and layers of blankets to keep himself safe from these feelings.

He slowly chewed his lunch, looking vacantly at the brown paper bag that it was packed in. Shrek's mother had sent him to bed without dinner the night before, as a reaction to him getting detention on the first day of school of course. The young scene ogre could only imagine what she would've done had he been suspended. She wasn't the type to leave him home alone for three days, especially with what happened with his dad. But she wasn't about to quit her job at the real estate agency just to look after him for those three days. 

Shrek decided that, ultimately, it didn't matter because it wasn't happening. He watched his two acquaintances laugh as they played that weird card game. It wasn't Yugi-oh or Pokemon. It was some DnD style one with really detailed art. He would've asked the name of it, but right now he didn't really care about anything but feeling sorry for himself.

"Uh... Shrek? That's your name right? Shrek?"

The Ogre boy turned around. It was Levi, from his algebra class. He was wearing the school's varsity jacket over a plain white t-shirt and blue jeans. It was a stark contrast from Mr. Portor, who Shrek knew by now to be his relative.

"Y-yes, sorry about yesterday..." Shrek said meekly, he had known Levi to be a jock. He was part of the school's track team and was always hanging out with his fellow team members. Surely, he was here to cement himself as an alpha male by beating up a pathetic scene kid.

"Oh, I just wanted to ask what happened." The jock said, "My brother got pissed when I asked him for details. So I figured I'd ask you, because that Once-ler guy got suspended."

"I-I don't really want to talk about it." Shrek turned around and continued to eat. It probably wasn't a good idea to, he knew that. Shrek knew that he was probably going to get beat on again. But this time, he'd take it. As long as nobody else got involved. He sniffled back his tears in an attempt to seem strong.

The ogre boy still felt Levi's presence behind him.

"That's Mindless Self Indulgence on your shirt, right?" Levi pulled up the chair next to Shrek and sat down. He leaned his chest on the backboard of the chair and crossed his arms over it. "My brother and I love that band."

"M-Mr. Portor likes MSI?" Aradia's attention snapped away from the card game she and Sollux were playing. Her face seemed to light up in a way that seemed out of character for someone as relaxed as she seemed.

"Yeah." Levi said, "He plays their music while we drive home a lot. Linkin Park's better, though, in my humble opinion."

"Oh, haha." Aradia's attention was completely off the card game now, "Um... W-what else does he like? W-what's his favorite book?"

"Aradia. Why do you even have a cruthh on that weirdo?" Sollux groaned and put his cards down. It seemed their game was over prematurely. "He'th in hith thirtieth and thhorter than hith little brother!"

"Close, he's 28." Levi seemed like he regretted his decision to sit with the nerds, "I'd rather just hear about Shrek's fight and go than write a biography about my older brother."

"Hah!" Sollux pointed at Aradia, "You jutht got OWNED!"

"Oh shut up, Sollux."

Shrek explained everything to Levi, making note to remind Levi that it wouldn't be the best idea to ask Terezi for her side. He didn't want her to have to deal with any more stress than she already had. The jock bit his lip as the scene kid said this.

"Yeah... Too late on that one."

Shrek's heart sank. He felt like total shit, having someone so nice deal with all of this shit that shouldn't even concern her. But before he could ask how she responded to it. The bell rang.

Shrek felt a deep sense of dread inside of him. He was going to have to sit in detention for an hour, possibly next to Terezi. And do or say nothing as she possibly cried next to him. He walked to class with his head down, feeling nothing.

* * *

Detention came swiftly. Shrek was already in Mr. Spikemuth's class, who was the designated detention teacher. He didn't bother getting up, he just packed up his stuff.

"Shrek, ya know you can use the bathroom, roight? Detention doesn't staht until 3:15." Mr. Spikemuth said, his accent was hard to understand at times. He was from some small town in Britain, as he said on the first day of school. It was called Galar, right? Shrek thought to himself. What a strange name.

Shrek nodded and got up to briefly leave the room, leaving his stuff so Mr. Spikemuth would know that he wasn't trying to ditch. The bathroom wasn't too far from Mr. Spikemuth's class either, so he'd be back pretty quick.

As Shrek washed his hands, making sure to scrub very well under his nails, his head was suddenly slammed into the sink.

"OW!" Shrek shouted in pain, "OWGRE!"

"W-who do you think you are, ogre boy?" A voice came from the figure who was holding Shrek's head under the running sink, "Beatin' up the Once-ler and embarassin' us?"

Shrek wanted to fight back so he could get to detention already, but if he did that, he'd just make things worse. He'd hoped, that if he got beaten badly enough, maybe he would be excused for the day.

"Answ-wer me!"

Shrek's head was pushed against the sink even harder, and he had to close his eyes so they didn't get soap in them.

"I don't knowgre!" The scene teen pleaded, "Please just let me go to detention!"

"Gonna cry? Piss your pants maybe!?"

The aggressor was laughing, Shrek was crying. There was no way he'd get back to detention on time. He'd just have to accept the punishment of being a dirty, dirty ditcher.

"Eridan. Get your hands off that boy."

The grip on Shrek was released, and he came up for air. He coughed, panted, and then wiped his eyes. Mascara was smeared all over his face and hands now, and he caught a glimpse of his bully. It was the hipster kid that follows the Once-ler everywhere.

"Mr. Noir, I w-was just-"

"No need to explain, I saw everything." Mr. Noir said sternly, "Go to detention, Shrek. I'll take care of Eridan."

Shrek rushed out of the bathroom, attempting to wipe away his mascara with the paper towel he used to dry his hands. He'd made it back to Mr. Spikemuth's by 3:16 PM, a minute late, but the teacher didn't seem to care.

"Alroight, you'll be here for the next 45 minutes." The two-toned haired, casually dressed teacher said, "Don't talk to each other, don't play with your phones, and no funny business."

Mr. Spikemuth then sat down, kicked back, and stared at the ceiling. Shrek thought it would be better for him to grade papers, but what did he know about teaching? He looked around for Terezi, and caught her sitting in the front corner of the class near where Mr. Spikemuth was. He thought it would be best not to stare at the girl, for it would make her uncomfortable. But Shrek felt the urge to make sure that she was okay. It could wait until after detention, he thought. There were a few other students sitting in front of Shrek, and he wondered why they were there. Levi's friend with the sunglasses in particular stood out.

He'd made a game out of this, making assumptions on why each student was in that room with him. The sunglasses might've beaten up a nerd, and the curly haired troll with squiggly horns probably said something deemed offensive, and that blonde girl with the headband probably told someone off. Shrek was about twenty minutes in on making up fictional backstories for everyone when the door suddenly burst open.

It was Mr. Portor. Shrek wondered why he of all people was here. The short man rushed over to Mr. Spikemuth, who was no longer looking so relaxed. Something was whispered into Mr. Spikemuth's ear, and his eyes got real wide. The man was already very pale, but he looked even more so now. The skinny biology teacher stood up, looked at the class and said something nobody expected.

"Detention's cancelled. Everyone go home."

The two teachers rushed out the door, leaving everyone in the room confused. The other students muttered among themselves, and Shrek had no time to try and talk to them. He had to make sure Terezi was okay.


	7. Terezi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek apologizes to Terezi.

"Terezogre!" Shrek slapped his hands on Terezi's desk, "I'm so sor-ogre!"

The tealblood stared at him for a second, and Shrek stared back. Was it too soon? Was his first thought. And then the second was that Karkat had only said that she forgave him as a placebo to the cold hard reality that he was hated by the first friend he'd made in high school.

"Hehe!" Terezi chuckled, "You're so funny, Shrek!"

Relief washed away all the anxiety in Shrek's body. It was a good thing that Terezi was feeling alright after what had happened the day before. He smiled awkwardly as she shook her head while laughing. His work here was done, it was time to go home.

Shrek grabbed his backpack, slung it over his shoulder and made his way to the stairs. Nobody else was on campus except for him and the teachers, and maybe Terezi if she had gone to grab something from her locker before departing. It was a nice, quaint change of pace from the hectic first day he had at Alternia High. He closed his eyes and sighed. It was like another world had formed around him, the distinct scent of the salty ocean calmed him from th-

Salty Ocean?

That wasn't right.

Shrek opened his eyes, and he wasn't at school anymore. He was... At the bottom of the ocean? That wasn't right either. It was like he was submerged in a purple liquid inhabited by only seahorses. Shrek felt a deep sense of something being wrong, but at the same time, it was oddly peaceful.

No! What was he thinking? This is terrifying! Where is he? All of these questions swarmed Shrek's mind as he was mesmerized by the world around him. One of the seahorses approached him, and as it did, the less it looked like a seahorse. Its face was very abstract, and Shrek couldn't tell where its eyes, mouth, nose, or anything started. It was like an optical illusion.

And then it opened up its mouth. Countless teeth were inside the mouth of this once friendly looking sea creature. In the very center of the perfect circle that was the seahorse's maw, a glowing purple light that only got brighter and brighter.

Shrek thought of his father, on the onion fields. His mouth was wide agape in awe, in fear, and in surprise. And as the seahorse's purple glow only got brighter, he knew at last who the tenth layer was.

The tenth layer, was him.

In an instant, the seahorse was pierced by a sharp blade directly through the side. The small, but frightening beast yelped in pain as it dissolved in midair. Shrek looked at the source of the blade, it was protruding from what appeared to be a white cane with a dragon's head as the handle. The ogre boy blinked in astonishment as he saw the wielder of said blade.

"Hey, Shrek." It was Terezi. She was wearing some weird getup. A short sleeved red vest with a pop-up collar and a long, red skirt to match over turqoise tights with boots that were also red. On her right horn, there was an elaborate gold ring with a murky teal gem in the center. The hand that firmly grasped the cane was being held by a glove that was likely to prevent her hands from blistering.

"Shrek!" Terezi shouted, snapped Shrek back to reality, "I know this is really, really weird. But you need to stay focused for me! Or else everything is going to fall apart!"

Was Shrek dreaming? He'd assumed he was by now. He just couldn't take it all in. 

Shrek was underwater with killer seahorses, and Terezi had just saved him from one. She was standing there, wearing some weird and girly getup that deviated heavily from her normal emo attire. The ocean was purple too, that was probably the weirdest part-

Shrek winced as he heard the noise of another seahorse shrieking in pain as it was skewered to death by Terezi. The noise was right behind him, as if another one was trying its luck with having a taste of ogre brain.

"SHREK!" Terezi shook the scene teen, "IF YOU DON'T COME WITH ME TO SAFETY, YOU'RE GOING TO DIE." She grabbed her cane and began to run towards a formation of large seashells. Shrek took in the scenery, it was just so nice. How could a place so nice be so dangerous-

"SHREK. I HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT LEAVING YOU TO DIE IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE AN IDIOT ABOUT IT!"

Shrek took a mental note about those words from Terezi, and began to run towards her. He caught up with her swiftly, and she grabbed his hand and ran by his side. A storm was brewing, lightning struck the landscape around Shrek and Terezi. The seashells got bigger, bigger, and bigger. The ogre boy wondered what kind of monstrous creatures lived inside of shells so large. He wasn't allowed to muse over it, because that's when it showed up.

An amalgamation of several different sea creatures was about twenty meters away from Shrek and Terezi. It had fins, tentacles, dorsal fins, flippers. Everything. Its head was a beating heart with the Aquarius symbol glowing in purple across its right ventricle, pumping electricity into the air and causing the thunderstorms.

"WHAT THE FUCKOGRE IS THAT!?" Shrek screamed, he tried to turn around and run, but on his ass he fell. He trembled at the sight of the creature in all of its Lovecraft-esque glory.

"Shit." Terezi brandished her cane, "We ran the wrong way. We're in the belly of the witch's labyrinth now." She turned back to Shrek, her face was anything but serious, "Leave it to me, Shrek. I'll make quick work of this."

The girl leaped into action. She landed on one of the tentacles that was connected to the beating heart and began to run at a 90 degree angle. She slashed against the claws, points, and seahorses that she was being bombarded with. Shrek watched in admiration as Terezi stabbed the beating head of the beast, hearing its electric scream. The troll girl kicked off the head of the beast as its appendages rushed towards her in an attempt to eliminate her. Her eyes glowed bright teal, and Shrek saw the most glorious thing he'd ever witnessed.

The dragon head on Terezi's cane opened up its mouth, and fired a blast of teal energy into the witch. It screamed in pain as it was engulfed by the greenish-blue light. Terezi was hit by the recoil of her beam, did a back flip and landed next to Shrek. But there was one problem.

The witch was still kicking. It was pretty beaten up, yes, but it was still pulsating electricity from itself with the same energy that it had before.

"What the hell?" Terezi asked, "That's my strongest attack!" She grabbed Shrek's arm.

"We gotta get outta here for the time being," The troll girl turned heel and Shrek was dragged along, "I can't do this alone, or else we're both going to die!"

Shrek still had no idea what was going on, that thing is a witch? It looked more like Cthulhu than anything. Where was her wand? What was going on? So many questions rushed through his mind. Maybe he would get an answer if he just looked back.

And that's just what he did.

The scene ogre teen caught one last glimpse of the witch, watching it writhe as if it was being attacked once more and- wait a minute- it WAS being attacked! A figure that Shrek couldn't quite make out slashed several of the witch's tentacles off, another had ensnared it in red ribbons, and yet another stood by, beaming energy towards it in a similar way that Terezi did, but from multiple sources. But before he could squint and really see what was going on, his arm was yanked harder.

"Shrek, run faster!" Terezi shouted, "We're almost at the end of the barrier!"

He followed her orders, this wasn't how he wanted to die. Shrek turned his head back forwards and ran with Terezi. Within a few seconds, the purple ocean scene around them disappeared, and they were back in the hallway of Alternia High. Their running came to an abrupt stop.

"That's funny." Terezi said, "The end of the barrier wasn't for another ten feet."

She tapped the gem on her right horn, and her outfit and cane disappeared. She was back in her emo clothing, and no evidence that the other getup had ever existed. Terezi turned around, and looked at Shrek with a soft smile.

"It seems I have some explaining to do, huh?"


	8. Magical Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek sees the world for what it really is.

"So... You're a magical girl... Who fights witches... To protect civilians..." Shrek said, it was awkward processing all of this. It seemed ridiculous, sure, but it would explain a lot.

The duo sat at a wooden table by the local skate park, the low hum of skateboards echoed off the concrete ramps. The sun was shining a light orange glow over the autumn trees. Birds chirped, the wind blew gently, and the skaters laughed at their juvenile jokes. But Shrek felt an anxiety deep inside of him. All of this could be ripped away by another one of those things, the witches, if things got out of hand.

"Yeah." Terezi sipped her diet soda, Shrek had almost forgotten they'd stopped to grab burgers after the encounter with the witch. He'd devoured it almost instantly, the stress of fighting the witch really made him hungry.

"But I gotta be honest, Shrek." She put down her soda, and put her hands on the table they sat at. Her face was masked by a smile, but Shrek could tell she meant business. "It's not just to protect civilians."

She pulled out an egg shaped, teal gemstone adorned with a golden case. It was dim, as if it was water that had been mixed with mud. It was still shiny though, and was mesmerizing to the scene ogre.

"That looks like the tastiest egg I've ever seen!" Shrek blurted out, "A-are you protecting it from the witches?"

"It's my soul, Shrek." Terezi giggled, "I don't want to find out what would happen if someone ate it." She spun it in her fingers, it twinkled in the setting sun. "Whenever a magical girl feels sad, their soul gem gets a little darker. If it becomes pitch black, it's game over. But there is a way to purify it, and prolong your life."

"By killing witches?"

"By using their grief seeds." Terezi corrected, "A magical girl doesn't have to be the one to kill a witch to use a grief seed. You can share with your friends if they need it, and they can share with you."

Shrek digested that thought. What kind of rule is that? Wouldn't it be better if a magical girl was directly rewarded for their effort of defeating a witch instead of getting none if they lost the grief seed? Tis the unfair nature of life, that's what it is. One question was burning inside of Shrek, that he really needed to ask.

"Are there magical boys?" Shrek asked almost enthusiastically, "I-I'm considering it, truly. I want to help you, Terezi. We could work together to protect Alternia!"

Terezi's eyes widened, she seemed shocked.

"Um... Y-Yeah there's magical boys. But magical girls are an umbrella term. You can be a boy magical girl." Terezi put her soul gem back in her bag. "Karkat, Oncie, and all of Oncie's friends are magical girls."

"Oncie?"

"The Once-ler." Terezi clarified, "That's why I thought it was totally unfair for him to attack you yesterday. He even used his weapon on you. If he wants to be like that, he should at least pick on someone his own size. It's bad enough that he's always transformed, even at school."

Oh, so that's where the axe came from. Shrek thought. The pieces of the puzzle were coming together, albeit slowly.

"How do I become a magical girl?" Shrek bluntly questioned. Even if he wasn't sure yet, he wanted to at least have the option.

Terezi's face shifted, and she seemed vaguely uncomfortable. She took another sip of diet soda, and then spoke.

"I'd suggest waiting, unless there's something you really want." She looked to watch the skateboarders, so carefree and clueless about the hidden reality, "I know I should've."

"I have something I really want." Shrek leaned forward, "I want to help you and Karkogre fight witches!"

"That's not what I mean, Shrek. If you make a contract, you'll get that anyways." She turned to him, "What I mean is something you want in life that you can't get by normal means. Shadow will give it to you. It's why I can see again."

Shrek instantly knew who she was talking about. Mr. Hedgehog, one of the teachers and supervisor of the Scene Emo Goth Ally (SEGA) club. He can give him anything he wants? Anything? Could he bring his father back?

"There's a few restrictions to what he can do." Terezi put her backpack on, "Text me if you have any more questions, I gotta get home before Latula chews me out."

Shrek sat at the table for awhile, watching the skateboarders banter among themselves. He pondered life itself. How many of those around him were magical girls? He knew that the Once-ler, Terezi, and Karkat were at least. But the rest of them? He had no idea. Shrek thought of those three figures in the witch's labyrinth. Who were they? The Once-ler's goons collecting its grief seed?

Only time will tell, for now, he had to think about what he wanted in case Mr. Hedgehog was unable to bring back his father.

He put some pep in his step, and walked home. One way or another, he was going to pay Terezi back for saving him.


	9. Afterschool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek and Karkat study in the library after school.

The next few weeks of school had a certain routine to them, which was to be expected of school. But they were rather boring compared to Shrek's first two days. He sat at the same table every lunch hour, watching Aradia and Sollux play that card game. Magic the Gathering, it was called. Sometimes Levi would come over just to chat, which Shrek assumed to be out of pity and not genuine interest in being friends. Most conversation was mundane, with Aradia occasionally asking oftentimes inappropriate questions about Mr. Portor that would scare Levi away. One lunch period, Sollux had stated that Eridan had been expelled recently and nobody knew why. Shrek, however, had a hunch that it had to do with the incident between him, himself, and Mr. Noir.

In fact, a teacher Shrek had grown to like a lot was Mr. Noir, who taught his English class in a very relaxed way. He was a bit eccentric though, and cracked dad jokes on the regular. These made most of the class groan, and seldom laughed, but Shrek appreciated him. After all, it was better than Mr. 'Resting Bitch Face' Portor's high standards. He'd sent Karkat outside several times just for talking too loud.

He kept the magical girl thing a secret, as Terezi had texted him not to say anything about it to anyone. It was a bummer, because he wanted to ask Karkat what he wished for.

He considered it, as he and Karkat did their math homework in the library after school. Shrek learned very quickly that while Karkat was good at his multiplication tables, decimals made the troll boy rip his hair out. Often literally. It's a good thing they're study buddies, because Shrek had always excelled at math.

Karkat was biting his nails furiously, they almost looked as if they were about to bleed. Shrek closed the open math book between them.

"Hey, Karkogre." The scene ogre stated, "What do you like to do?"

"What the fuck do you mean by that?" Karkat asked through grit teeth, he wasn't stopping the carnage on his nails so easily.

"I mean for fun." Shrek kicked back, "I like baking cookies with my mom, listening to music, going on MySpace, etc."

Karkat pulled his nails from his mouth. Success, Shrek thought, he'd calmed the poor boy down.

"Huh? I use MySpace too." Karkat yawned, "Sometimes I draw, but I'm really fucking bad at it. I really like anime too, and, um, I love Yugi-Oh, but nobody plays that anymore."

"We should play Yugi-Ogre sometime!" Shrek said a little too loud for the library to handle, as the librarian attempted to sush him. "I've always wanted to learn the rules."

"Well, I gotta warn you." Karkat seemed to have some confidence in his voice, "You're probably going to get your ass kicked."

"Maybe I will," Shrek smiled. "maybe I won't."

"We'll see about it then," Karkat smiled back, "you motherfucker."

Both of the boys had made yet another silent pact of rivalry.

"What do you mean you don't have any, BITCH?" 

A yell came from outside the library, and both Shrek and Karkat turned to the source of the noise. Surprisingly, nobody else in the room had reacted, but that was likely because Shrek and Karkat sat close to the door. Since it was upon Karkat's request, Shrek assumed that it was for the unlikely event of another witch showing up for a fight and him needing to assist someone in containing it.

"Hey." Karkat got up, "Watch my stuff, asshole." 

Shrek furrowed his brow as he watched the troll boy rush outside, leaving everything behind. While Shrek was glad that Karkat trusted him enough to leave him alone with his things, he couldn't help but feel the inkling that something was about to go horribly wrong.

And right he was, because a loud thud came from outside, and then the distinct sound of Karkat cursing.

Fuck material possessions, there were more important matters at hand. Shrek ran out into the hallway, and then outside the front door of the school where the shouting was echoing from. The sight he saw was enough to make him both horrified and furious.

The Once-ler was holding up Karkat by his neck, like he was a cup. Terezi was on the ground, her body trembling. The green suited emo turned to Shrek, his eyes covered by those hideous blue clout goggles. An axe was in his free hand, being swung to and fro like he was just itching for a fight.

"Get your hands off of him." Shrek fumed. He stepped down the stairs slowly, but sternly. "You better get your GODDAMN hands off of him." He rolled up his sleeves. Shrek didn't care about getting suspended as long as it meant this bully left his friends alone.

"Hmmm..." The Once-ler pressed his free hand against his chin, "How about nooooooo?"

"Do it." Shrek glared, he meant business.

"Not until they fork over their grief seeds." The Once-ler swung Karkat down, his legs hitting the pavement hard, "See... They owe me. A LOT."

"He doesn't even know what you're talking about you FUCKING idiot!" Karkat struggled, he used both hands to attempt to force the Once-ler to unhand him, but the grip only got tighter. "You need to chill the fuck out!"

"NOT UNTIL I GET MY GRIEF SEEDS!" The Once-ler banged the hilt of his axe against Karkat's head, "NOW BE QUIET, BITCH BOY. I'M TALKING TO YOUR FAT ASS FRIEND!"

"DON'T HIT KARKOGRE!" Shrek charged at the Once-ler, and in an instant Karkat was on the ground gasping for air. The Once-ler himself had disappeared. Where was he? Was he behind-

Shrek felt a sharp pain as the Once-ler slashed his axe across his back. Just a few inches to the right, and his arm would've been severed. The ogre boy crashed down, joining his two friends on the ground. The Once-ler's shoes clacked against the pavement, and his hand yanked Shrek up by his hair.

"Get lost ogre boy." The Once-ler sneered, "This is our business, not yours." He leaned in closer, "And I'm not stopping until I get at least one grief seed."

"You want a grief seed, huh?"

Shrek and the Once-ler turned to look at the source of the voice. It was Terezi. She trembled slightly, as she raised herself to a sitting position. She rummaged through her backpack for a second, and pulled something out with her hand clasped shut. Terezi had a look on her face. Not a good one. It was a smile, but the type of smile that comes only when you're so exhausted with everything around you that you feel nothing.

"I'll show you a grief seed."

Terezi unclasped her hand to reveal her soul gem, which was now pitch black. The Once-ler dropped Shrek back onto the pavement and began to run in the other direction. Shrek sat up, confused, and saw the look on Terezi's face. The sight, combined with Karkat's screams of terror, would likely never leave Shrek.

Shrek thought of his father, on the onion fields. He was weeping, weeping with ogre, weeping with onions. Weeping, weeping, weeping. And as Karkat rushed towards Terezi as her soul gem turned into a grief seed, he knew at last who the tenth layer was.

The tenth layer, was him.


	10. Dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek and Karkat explore the dragon's lair.

"TEREZI!" Karkat's voice cracked as he shouted this, it was the moment before she truly became a witch that these words slipped out of his mouth. Her expression didn't change, it was as if she didn't hear a thing, couldn't feel a thing, and didn't know a thing.

Shrek's whole body shook, it was terrifying. The feeling that went through his body as he watched reality warp around him and his friend be engulfed by dark energy was something that he knew in that instant would change him forever. Then, the physical pain came.

Both Shrek and Karkat were blasted back by the sheer force of Terezi's negative emotions. At least 30 feet, maybe more, and tumbled to the edge of a massive slab of rock. When Shrek opened his eyes, he saw it.

In Terezi's place was a massive tower, the tallest one Shrek had ever seen. On the other side was a bridge that Shrek assumed led outside of the witch's barrier. There was a problem, however. Below it was a ring of lava that surrounded the tower and the plateau of land that it rest on. Shrek looked up, where was Terezi?

"YOU BITCH!" Karkat screamed as he ran towards the gate of the tallest tower, he tapped the necklace he was wearing, and a wave of red light flashed over him. Karkat emerged clad in a black suit with red lines on the seams, with a flowing red scarf and coat tails that would put Beethoven to shame. There was a hood at the top of the scarf that had holes for Karkat's horns. In his hand was a iridescent black sickle that resembled the claw of a crab.

Karkat suddenly came to a stop on his rampage upwards. His head snapped around, his face was furious but Shrek could see the underlying sadness dripping out in the form of tears from Karkat's eyes.

"SHREK." Karkat shouted, "GO BACK OVER THAT BRIDGE. THIS IS TOO DANGEROUS FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU." And before Shrek could answer, the troll boy ran up the steps of the tallest tower.

Shrek stood, frozen. His heart was pounding faster than it ever had in his life. Did Terezi just die? Did she just become a witch? Was there any way to turn her back if she did? Was there anything he could do to help?

Could he wish her back to life?

A bellowing roar shook the ground beneath Shrek. He could hear the bridge behind him swing back and forth from the force. Shrek thought of Karkat, running up the the tallest tower. He was frozen. Frozen with fear, frozen with anxiety. Frozen, frozen, frozen. And as Shrek heard the sound of Karkat yelping in pain, Shrek knew who had to let it go.

Not him.

The scene, powerless ogre ran past the door of the tallest tower and up the stairs. Inside was some sort of M. C. Esher Hell. In the center, a two headed dragon. Its heads were slamming onto a scale, changing the way it tipped. Its wings were several nooses tied together, seeking out anything that came near it. Hundreds of stuffed devil creatures with button eyes ran towards it, all getting wrapped in a lasso and thrown back.

One of the heads slammed straight down, and the arrangement of staircases changed. Shrek was now upside-down, and the dragon looked right at him with one of its heads. The dragon's red eyes glowed and it opened its mouth just like Terezi's cane. The maw of the beast shone with teal, and the ogre boy knew it was over. Shrek couldn't even react when the pain came.

"YOU STUPID, STUPID, FUCKASS!"

Shrek felt a blunt blow to his stomach, and then a sharp one against his back into what he assumed to be another staircase. He shouted in pain, opening his eyes on reflex to see that Karkat... Was carrying him? Like a princess?

"I TOLD YOUR ASS TO GO HOME! AND I DON'T THINK OGRES LIVE IN TOWERS WITH MURDEROUS DRAGON WITCHES!" Karkat was seething, his pupils were practically slits on the yellow sclera of his eyes.

The dragon roared, and Karkat turned around. It had slammed its head on one of the scales, flipping the staircases. Shrek could feel Karkat's body shaking, whether it was rage or anxiety, he knew it wasn't good.

"SHREK..." Karkat grit his teeth, "I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS AFTER THIS. BUT YOU NEED TO HOLD TIGHT WHILE I LOOK FOR THE EXIT."

"O-okay, Karkogre..." Shrek trembled, this all his fault. Karkat would've saved Terezi by now if it weren't for him. And now? She was stuck with a witch. Karkat jumped from staircase to staircase with ease, making note to keep himself still when the dragon slammed its head against the scale or charged a beam. The ogre boy was in awe of his surroundings. It was a dire situation, but the ogre couldn't help but feel like he belonged in a place like this. Fighting to protect the weak.

"I SEE THE EXIT, HOLD ON, FUCKER." Karkat spread his legs and made the leap, it was impossible to tell which direction they were headed. The whole labyrinth had messed with Shrek's sense of direction, as they had jumped from up to down to right to left to up to down to left to right. Gravity had been thrown out the window as with logic. They tumbled out of the exit of the tallest tower, and landed on a soft, slightly bouncy texture.

Shrek sat up, and rubbed his eyes. There was blood on the sheets below him. Wait, sheets? Shrek looked around, he appeared to be on a... bed? A really, really big bed that stretched the whole span of the circular room. He turned around and, ah, there was Karkat.

"Ugh... Ogre..." Shrek said, "Did we end up in a mattress store?"

"We never left the FUCKING barrier, Shrek."

Karkat turned around, and Shrek regret speaking at all. His face was a disturbing mix of pure grief and anger. His teeth were bared as if he was a mother tiger that just watched her cubs get poached. He trembled in such a way that made Shrek back up. It wasn't until Shrek had a wider range of vision that he saw it.

Shrek looked at Terezi's lifeless body in the highest room on the tallest tower. He stared at her for a second, feeling hopeless. Was this the fate of all magical girls? To become witches? He watched as Karkat cried and held her hand, things really did look bleak.

"I hate everything. I can't take this right now." Karkat wiped his eyes, "Shrek... W-we gotta take her body back home... I can't... Leave her body here and fucking live with myself..." Karkat picked up Terezi and carried her princess style. He began to walk towards the door they had tumbled through.

"You'd better stay fucking close to me while we go down those stairs. If I lose her, it's on you."

Shrek was quick to stand up, and he began to approach his friend. He wasn't going to say a word until they made sure Terezi was okay, until everything could go back to normal. Karkat was almost at the door when something appeared in front of him.

A shadowy figure stood in the doorway and instantly ensnared Karkat and Terezi's body in long, red strings. Karkat yelped in pain, and would drop Terezi if she wasn't tied to his body so tightly. Shrek's heart pounded as he ran towards his friend in a last ditch effort to help, before a blunt object slammed against the back of his head.

Shrek fell onto the soft mattress, watching two blurry, shadowy figures lift Karkat and Terezi up over their shoulders. Another approached him, closed his eyes gently with two fingers.

Shrek blacked out.


	11. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek and Karkat meet up at the skate park.

Shrek woke up slowly, as if he was awaking from a deep dream he wanted to stay in. The birds chirped outside, the sun shone through a crack in Shrek's blinds, he could smell the waffles his mother was preparing. It was a perfect Saturday morning.

Then it hit him all at once.

Karkat. Once-ler. Terezi. Shadowy figures. The thoughts swirled in Shrek's mind like a cocktail of disaster. It was a dream, right? All just a dream? Terezi wasn't dead, right? Shrek's denial would soon be ripped away as he sat up in his bed.

Pain. Dull pain in all parts of his body. Remnants from when he was being lugged around in the belly of the witch's domain.

He quickly reached for his phone. No text from Karkat, he was probably still asleep. It was 10 AM after all. He sighed, anxiety had his head in such a flurry. Terezi would be okay, right? Right? Shrek made the attempt to reassure himself when it hit him.

Why did the shadowy figures take him home?

They had knocked him, and very likely Karkat, out in the middle of a dangerous battle with a violent witch. What exactly were their intents? The ogre boy pondered for a moment, staring at the message log between him and Karkat from yesterday. Their relationship just being two dudes who got together after school to do homework together was about to change. Shrek prepared to send Karkat his message, that he was going to do anything he could to help him and Terezi survive this whole magical girl thing. However, he got a message first.

"YOU. ME. 3PM. SKATE PARK."

Shrek felt a rush of anxiety course through his body, something told him Karkat wasn't going to be so friendly the next time he saw him. Nevertheless, he wasn't going to pussy out of this one.

* * *

Shrek sat at the skate park, at the same table he and Terezi sat at the day she told him everything about magical girls that there was to know. He watched the skateboarders laugh among themselves. Shrek wished deep inside himself that he could be one of them.

"Hey. Fuckface."

Shrek turned around, it was Karkat. And by Joe, he wasn't happy. He grabbed Shrek by the collar of his Falling in Reverse shirt and pulled him real close to his face.

"I TOLD YOU. I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO STAY BACK WHILE I DEALT WITH THE WITCH." Karkat was shouting with no regard as to who heard him, "IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU, I WOULD'VE GOTTEN TEREZI'S GRIEF SEED BACK!" Karkat balled his fist as if he were about to punch Shrek, his arm trembled in a way that revealed he was merely putting up a facade of anger to mask his true emotion.

Grief.

Shrek decided to place his own emotions aside, wrapping them in layers. He swallowed the immense fear he was feeling inside of him, as if Karkat became as depressed as Terezi was, he might lose another friend.

"Karkogre..." A hand was placed on Karkat's shoulder, "You can let it all out if you want... Just don't let yourself become a witch too."

The troll boy lowered his hand, but he was still furious. Shrek doubted that he was mad at him, just mad at the world around him. Angry that a friend of his was taken away from him by an unfair magic system. He just needed an outlet, Shrek thought.

"I'm... I'm going to..." Karkat dropped Shrek back on his ass, "I'm going to fucking kill the Once-ler."

"Karkogre..." Shrek brushed himself off, "Have you cleaned your soul gem today?"

Karkat flinched, but was quick to recollect himself. He slipped off the ring he wore on his left hand and held it up. It turned into that egg shape, the same Terezi's was in. Only Karkat's was a bright, brilliant red. Not a speck of muck tarnishing its beauty.

"Whoever THEY were, they cleaned my soul gem." Karkat said. "I cannot fathom why."

Shrek immediately knew who Karkat was talking about. The shadowy figures. The witch killers. The ones who knocked them out.

"Hm." Shrek squinted at Karkat's soul gem in deep though, "Maybe they're good guys?"

"GOOD GUYS?" Karkat was back to his former state of anger, "SHREK."

The ogre boy's shoulders were suddenly grabbed, and hard. Karkat's face was now an inch away from his, and something told Shrek that he wasn't going to be kissed.

"IF THEY'RE FUCKING GOOD GUYS, THEN WHERE IS TEREZI'S BODY? WHAT DID THEY DO WITH IT SHREK!?" Karkat shook his friend, red tears splattering on both of their black t-shirts, fading into the fabric and only felt by them.

"WHY'D THEY TAKE HER FROM ME? WHY?" Karkat's voice broke, and so did Shrek's heart.

Shrek thought of Terezi, in her witch barrier. He was weeping, weeping with ogre, weeping with onions. Weeping, weeping, weeping, and as Karkat retracted his hands from Shrek's shoulders, he knew at last what he needed to do.

He needed to become a magical girl.

* * *

The weekend passed, thought it seemed like an eternity for Shrek. Karkat was too depressed to hang out after what happened with Terezi, and he didn't show up to school either. It was a good thing, because before the first bell rang, Shrek was going to do something he knew Karkat wouldn't approve of.

He'd gotten the word from Sollux, where to find the only one who could help him in this time of need. It was good having a friend who knew his way around school. Shrek's platform shoes clacked against a hallway he's never thought much of, but now it felt like he was approaching a king upon a throne.

"Mr. Hedgehogre?" 

Shrek had entered the auto shop room without knocking. The teacher was working on the engine of a car, a bright red 2004 Honda Accord to be exact, when the scene Ogre walked in. He was an anthropomorphic hedgehog with black, red streaked quills and wore a black jumpsuit over a 3OH!3 t-shirt.

"Excuse me." Mr. Hedgehog said as he slung a towel over his shoulder, "Who are you?"

Shrek was in awe. He didn't expect Mr. Hedgehog to be, well, an actual hedgehog. Nevertheless, he spoke.

"Someone who wants to become a magical girl."

Mr. Hedgehog raised an eyebrow.

"Alright, who spilled the beans?" The teacher slammed the hood of his car shut, "This gig was supposed to be a secret."

"She's no longer with us."

"Oh, Terezi?"

Shrek's blood ran cold, how did he know? His green skin became paler, was Mr. Hedgehog her captor? The casual way he talked to Shrek about something he found so serious only made his anxiety grow.

"Yes." Shrek's voice became shaky, "I-I'd like to get to the point, though."

"The point?"

"I-I want to become a magical girl." Shrek gulped, "You can do that, right?"

"I'll only make you one if you promise not to tell anyone about my magical girl business, alright?" Mr. Hedgehog pointed at Shrek, "I could get into some deep shit if anyone found out."

"That's okaygre." Shrek said, "I would like to make my wish now, if you wouldn't mind."

"Hold on." Shadow said, "Think hard about it. You can't wish people or animals back to life, and your wish can't directly effect more than 10 people. If it's either of those, I can't grant it. Sorry."

Shrek took a deep breath, and thought for a moment. Not of his father, Terezi, or Karkat. It was something else entirely. He breathed out, gulped, and then decided to say the words that have been on his mind for days.

"I wish to know the identities of the three shadowy figures that knocked me and Karkat out a few days ago."


	12. Shrek's wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek's wish, granted.

Shrek froze as the images flashed into his brain. It was like a memory had been downloaded directly into there, burrowing itself into his neurons and forcing everything around it to acknowledge its presence. His eyes widened, his mouth went agape, and the names of the figures were revealed to him in an instant.

Feitan Jagan Portor, age 28. Math teacher at Alternia High School.

Piers Nezu Spikemuth, age 34. Science teacher at Alternia High School.

Jack Bec Noir, age 45. English teacher at Alternia High School.

Shrek trembled. The scene ogre's eyes watered, his lips quivered. He could feel the layers of his comforting facade of safety peeling back as he stared blankly at the hedgehog who granted his wish. The bell was to ring in five minutes. Five minutes. That wasn't long enough to process that his teachers were some secret society of witch fighters. Were they magical girls? Were they rogue witches? The thoughts raced in Shrek's head as if they were competing. Trampling over the other as if the punishment for losing the race was capital.

Shrek began to glow lime green, and he could feel his clothes transforming. His Green Day t-shirt became a short sleeved blouse striped with black and green. His ripped jeans became a two layered green and black skirt. The silly bandz on his wrists became silver bangles. Where a bow tie would go on his blouse was an onion shaped pin with a gem in the middle. His soul gem.

"There." Shadow the Hedgehog turned back to work on the car. "You get powers based on your wish, so I suggest testing them out before fighting a witch. It could be real deadly if you don't know how to use them in the middle of a battle." He wiped his wrench down with a dirty towel, "I assume you know almost everything about being a magical girl from one of those friends of yours, but always remember to bring me grief seeds to discard them. That's the most important part in all of this."

Shrek stared at his hands. They were covered by a layer of gloves. Powers based on his wish? What did that even mean? Would he know who everyone is without even knowing them now? How useless that is! He transformed back into his emo attire and grabbed his egg shaped soul gem. He stared at it for a second, thinking that maybe this wasn't the best course of action after all. How he wanted to live in the blissful ignorance of not knowing again.

Shrek decided it would be awkward just to watch Mr. Hedgehog work on a car for the remainder of time he had before inevitably confronting his three teachers. The shadowy figures that had knocked him and Karkat out and stole Terezi from them. He walked a lonely road to the bathroom, where he would cry until further notice.

He considered faking sick, but that would only put off the inevitable. His mother would also have to take time off work to supervise him while he was home alone. And what was he going to do about this magical girl thing? He wasn't a fighter! The ogre boy passed a vending machine, one that had all the snacks that Shrek enjoyed munching on. But he didn't have any money.

Shrek placed his hand against the glass and sighed, looking longingly at a bag of sour cream and onion chips. His favorite. Shrek yearned to have just one chip to raise his spirits and cure him of this depression.

His hand suddenly jut through the glass, toppling his whole body through the vending machine. Several bags of chips crunched from the impact of the ogre boy slamming into them.

"Owgre!" Shrek yelped, but nothing hurt. He said that preemptively because he expected a shower of broken glass to pierce his skin. But nothing came of it. The scene teen pulled himself out of the vending machine and stared in awe.

The layer of glass preventing him from grabbing a bag of his favorite chips was peeled back, like it was an onion skin. Shrek grabbed the flap of glass, and jumped when he realized how malleable and light it was. Was this his power? Peeling back layers preventing him from reaching his goal?

Shrek grabbed a bag of sour cream and onion chips. His hand trembled as he touched the top with one finger. He slid his finger across the top, the intended opening. 

The bag popped open, with only one swipe of Shrek's fingers. A smile stretched across the scene kid's face. He just did that. He opened a chip bag with one finger! He was so going to show this to Sollux and Aradia at lunch. Oh, they had no idea about this magical girl stuff! They were going to be so impressed!

Then the bell rung, and Shrek's heart fell into his stomach.

Math class with Mr. Portor. One of the secret identities of the shadowy figures. The ogre boy pondered how he was going to keep his fear and forbidden knowledge under wraps. He quickly sealed the vending machine and looked at his reflection. An unmistakable fear was obvious in the face of Shrek Onionberg, there was no way it would go unnoticed. He counted his blessings, but there was no way he was going to let this control him.

Shrek swiped his hand over his face, he couldn't say what compelled him to do it. But something deep inside of him just said that it felt right. Shrek watched as his face went from a fearful, defeated visage to a neutral, unassuming one. He smiled in a nervous relief, but he couldn't see it.

A layer over his true emotions had been placed, and he was ready for math class with the one who wasn't who he seemed.


	13. Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi needs some help from Shrek.

Shrek sat down at the farthest desk from the shortest math teacher. Mr. Portor looked tired, to say the least. Not that the man ever truly looked awake at any time of day. But something about him seemed more exhausted than usual. Shrek wondered how such a boring stick in the mud could be living a double life in the way he did. Whether he was a good or bad guy was irrelevant. It just seemed so... Weird.

The second bell rung, and the math teacher rose up and- wait a second- it wasn't Mr. Portor at all that stood before the class. He was way too tall!

"Class." The man said with a nasally British accent, "I'm Mr. Snape, and I'll be your substitute math teacher for today. Get into pairs of two and finish these worksheets Mr. Portor worked so hard on for you."

Shrek felt both relieved and horrified in a weird mix of emotion. Thank Ogre God that he didn't have to see Mr. Portor today, but it begs the question:

Why would Mr. Portor go missing after what happened in the witch barrier?

It can wait for later, he thought. Shrek sat up to grab a copy of the worksheet. He'd have to work alone, considering that Karkat wasn't there that day.

"Hey, Shrek." A voice came from Karkat's supposedly empty seat. The ogre boy turned to see Levi, the younger brother of Mr. Portor. On his desk were two of the worksheets from the stack the rest of the students were ravaging.

"I'm no good at this math stuff, contrary to what my brother wants." Levi laughed, "Can you help me out?"

"S-sure!" Shrek sat back down at his desk. He couldn't believe that out of everyone in this room, the jock picked to hang out with the scene kid. He was wary, though. Was Levi just spying on Shrek for his older brother? Keeping tabs on him, perhaps?

"Hey, Shrek?" Levi's face made a strange, confused expression. "Did you catch a case of bell's palsy or something?"

"Huh?" Shrek tried to seem unassuming, even if he was afraid that Levi was onto him. He didn't even know what bell's palsy was for Ogre God's sake!

"It looks like you're trying really hard to smile, but your body won't allow it."

A light bulb went off in Shrek's head. It was the layer he put over his emotions. He guessed he didn't need it now that the direct threat wasn't even there.

"O-oh!" Shrek slapped his own face, removing the layer. "It should be better now!"

The two boys sat and did their worksheet. To Shrek, it was a total cakewalk. But to his jock friend, it was another story. Every other minute it seemed like Shrek was getting asked for help. About halfway through class, when Shrek was finally done with his classwork, a different kind of question was asked.

"Is Karkat okay?"

Shrek was admittedly startled by the question. He was surprised he could even hear it while he was blasting Thnks fr th Mmrs.

"O-ohgre." Shrek pulled out one earbud, "He's been really depressed lately. His lusus is letting him stay home for the day."

"Oh. Tell him I hope he feels better."

"I will." Shrek said. Levi didn't seem to hold any malicious intent. But could Shrek really trust him? It didn't matter, because the question on Shrek's mind was too powerful for any logical thought to filter it.

"What about Mr. Portor?" Shrek asked, "Is he okay?"

"Dude, please just call him Feitan when talking to me." Levi nervously laughed, still no malicious intent, "He fell down the stairs and broke his arm a few days ago."

"Owgre!" Shrek knew that story was probably bullshit. The witch had likely broken Feitan's arm. "Sorry about that."

"Why are you apologizing?" Levi wrote in another answer on the worksheet, "It's not like it's your fault."

Shrek didn't say anything, because he didn't want to lie. He couldn't say for certain, but Piers and Jack carrying him and Karkat while Feitan fought alone was a more likely cause than falling down the stairs.

The day got even stranger when he went to English class, and there was yet another substitute. Ms. Paint. What exactly were the shadowy figures planning by disappearing so suddenly? Were they giving Shrek a false sense of security? Did they know they were found out? Were they all killed by the witch? No, that couldn't be right. Levi had already seen his brother after the witch attack.

After an entire class period of pure thought, the bell rung. Lunch time.

"Threk? You good my man?" Sollux asked as Shrek sat down. Maybe he did need the layer of fake emotion to hide his worry.

"Yeah, don't worry about it." Shrek pulled out his phone and thought about texting Karkat. It would be better to just tell him that he'd become a magical girl now than to beat around the bush and let him find out on his own.

"Hey, Karkogre." Shrek typed. "I became a magical girl and I wished to know the identities of the three shadowy figures that captured us." He was sure to hunch over his phone, as to not allow anyone else to see what he was texting. He clicked send.

"Hey, Shrek?"

The scene teen jumped and was quick to shut off his phone screen. He couldn't risk anyone else knowing he and Karkat's secret.

It was Levi.

"Oh hey there!" Aradia peeked up from the book she was reading and smiled, "How's your brother doing?"

"Sorry for startling you, didn't mean to do that!" Levi ignored Aradia and focused on Shrek, "I just have a favor to ask you, that's all."

"H-huh?" Shrek asked meekly, "Do you want me to help you with math homework too?"

"No, no!" Levi pulled up the chair next to Shrek and leaned against it. "See, this rival school challenged me and my buddy Dave to a baseball match... But we're short on players... So..." Levi gestured towards Shrek as if he was suggesting that he join in on the baseball match.

"I'm no good at sports though." Shrek stated.

"You thould have me on your team." Sollux chimed in with his mouth full of cheetos, "I am a fucking Achilleth when it cometh to thportth."

"Something makes me doubt that." Levi said as he looked at the scrawny troll who was indulging himself in snack foods, "At least I have proof that Shrek has potential."

"Like?" Sollux asked.

"He beat up the Once-ler."

"Well I could beat up the Onthe-ler too." Sollux smirked, "He jutht hathn't given me a reathon to!"

"Sollux, you can't even beat me at arm wrestling." Aradia retorted.

"That'th becauthe I let you win!"

Shrek and Levi watched as the two argued, it was like watching an old married couple. The scene kid and the jock both gave the other a funny look.

"Just think about it, Shrek." Levi said, "I'll take you to Red Robin afterwards. If you're down, be at the baseball field on Duloc Street at 5 PM after school."

The jock got up and left, back to his table of fellow sportsmen. Aradia and Sollux were still arguing in the meantime, but Shrek tuned it out. He had too much to think about right now. But alas, it was lunch time. So he took out his onion sandwich and began to eat.


	14. The Eve of the Baseball Match

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems Levi didn't think this all the way through.

Shrek sat at the baseball field on Duloc Street, warming the bench before the match even started. It was 4:45 PM, 15 minutes before Levi said to be there. He didn't want to show up late and embarass the team, so he was sure to be early. Who knows, maybe he'd make some new friends.

"Oh look. It's one of Levi's boyfriends."

Shrek saw them walk across the field. A group of boys shouting profanities at him as they approached. They weren't Levi's team, he could tell because they all wore matching private school uniforms. A short guy, must've only been 4'6" tall, led the team. He had shoulder length black hair that was trimmed neatly and a face that could only be described as douchey.

"Awww..." Another member of his group, a taller and even douchier looking blond, said, "Looks like his date stood him up!"

"But Levi isn't my boyfriend." Shrek said, confused. He barely even knew the guy.

"Oh please." The black haired one spoke, "Why would anyone besides a homo wait alone at a park for another boy to come see him?"

"To... Play baseball?"

The crowd behind the boy laughed in unison, but Shrek didn't think it was funny. He was merely stating the truth. He looked at the other team, every last one of them looked like they could buy and sell the swamp his mother has worked so hard to maintain all of these years alone. The type that wouldn't even think about the sentimental value of the swamp, and would bulldoze it without question to build a shopping mall that would only be viable for a year or so before all its shops closed down and it became an abandoned building.

"Well, well." One of the boys on the opposing team, a fellow fairy tale creature that was an anthropomorphic squid with a unibrow, looked at his watch. "It's almost 5 PM and your team didn't show up. Maybe they're doing something more their style and watching the Barbie movies!"

"The Barbie movies are good though." Shrek protested, "Have you even seen them?"

The laughter from his opponents was now uproarious, and Shrek felt a deep sense of shame. Maybe it would've been better for him to just go home, and find some new music on MySpace, instead of sitting here making himself to be the personal laughingstock for strangers. Shrek discreetly placed a layer over his face, to mask the fact that he was about to cry.

"An emo fatass who watches the Barbie movies everybody!" The shortest of the bunch rubbed salt into the wound, "THIS is the best Levi could find in that shitty public school!"

Shrek thought of himself, on the baseball field. He was masking his emotions. Masking his guilt, masking his fear, masking masking masking. and as the sound of footsteps approached, he knew at last who the baseball player was.

The baseball player, was him.

"Shut up, fuckwad."

Levi was standing by second base, with a small group of his friends. Shrek could only recognize a few, namely the one with the sunglasses, and the one with the patch of dyed hair who stood at around the same height as Levi. Dave and Nishinoya.

"It's... Farquaad." The opposing leader turned to face Levi. Both of their faces were stone cold. What would normally be an inside joke between two friends, a funny nickname, seemed to be a huge point of contention between the two.

"I said what I said. Leave him alone." Levi almost seemed like a different person when he said that. Normally, he was someone that was very polite and patient with Shrek. Laughing along to any joke Shrek made even though it was obvious that he didn't quite understand them and being nice to him despite being a jock. Whatever this was, Shrek thought, it was personal.

"Oh?" Farquaad crossed his arms, "Do YOU watch the Barbie movies too?"

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Someone on Levi's team was jumping excitedly, a troll girl with wide cone horns and a blue beanie, "I do, I do!"

"A girl?" Farquaad hid his mouth as he laughed, "Really? What is this? Little league?"

"It's always little league with you here, bitch."

Everyone went real quiet, it was obvious Levi meant business. But why? Was it because they were insulting Shrek? Or was this something that had already been a problem beforehand?

"Whatever." Farquaad rolled his eyes, "We'll start the match in five minutes. Now try and use those tiny brains to formulate a strategy. You'll need every brain cell you have to even think about scoring a single point on us."

The private school boys walked to the other side of the court, to first base. Levi sighed, and then he looked at Shrek.

"Sorry about them, I can't stand anyone from their neck of the woods."

"Then why did you agree to play a game with them?" Shrek asked sincerely, "Why can't we all just go home and play video games? I have Melee with all the characters unlocked." 

"Um." A boy with bright blond hair and an orange t-shirt spoke up, "Because backing down from a challenge makes you look like a pussy."

"You got something against cats, punk?" The troll girl that watches the Barbie movies chimed in with a playful tune, "I must have you know, we have nine lives so I gots the upper hand here!"

"C'mon guys, no infighting until it's over." Levi diffused the 'situation', "Oh, right." He turned back to the ogre boy sitting on the bench.

"Shrek, meet my friends."

"I'm Nepeta!" The troll girl rushed over to Shrek and shook his hand with both of hers. It was like she'd taken four shots of espresso before coming to the match. "You're Karkat's friend, right? I love the emo thing you two have going on, it's just like Black Butler! Do you like Black Butler too? I love Black Butler!"

"Uhhh..." Shrek sweat, this was the most direct attention he's ever gotten from a girl in his life. Terezi was different, because while she could be a bit cheeky, she was relatively level headed. He now empathized with Levi's discomfort when Aradia asked rather personal questions about that brother of his. "I'm friends with Karkat, yeah... I've never seen Black Butler, but I really like Vampire Knight... Nice to meet you?"

"Yay, I love Vampire Knight! Zero is so, so hot!" Nepeta was practically jumping for joy when a larger troll, a boy with a broken horn, and even more broken sunglasses, put his hand on her shoulder.

"Nepeta." He said in a surprisingly soft voice for such a gruff looking guy, "You're coming on a little bit too strong."

"Oh!" The girl jumped, "Sorry!" She backed off almost instantly, as if she really were a cat and Shrek was a loud noise.

"I'm Equius." He held out a big, rugged hand for Shrek to shake. "Nepeta's boyfriend. And I, um, play football."

The hand was clammy and sweaty, which made Shrek instantly think of asking someone else for hand sanitizer. The action of actually doing so would be quite rude, considering Equius seemed to be a nice person outside of having poor hygiene. It was funny, a 6 foot tall and muscular athlete was dating a geek who obviously took anime too seriously and wears shirts that say 'I love Yaoi' in public. The scene ogre smiled, perhaps if you like someone enough, your relationship can transcend social norms.

"Sorry about my hand by the way." Equius said as their hands unclasped, "I'm Canadian so the heat makes me sweat a lot."

"Heat?" The blond with the orange t-shirt loudly interrupted, "This is Ohio, dude!" He put his hand on Equius's shoulder, which looked awkward considering their height difference. "Oh, yeah, Ogre boy. I'm Naruto! Levi, and I go way back!"

"Way back to the emergency room." Dave said, causing Nishinoya to chuckle. Another inside joke, Shrek assumed.

"Nice to meet you, really." Shrek smiled at his new friends. That's what he decided. Levi was his friend, and so were these new people by proxy. It felt good, being a part of a team.

"Alright." Levi called for the attention of everyone around him, "We need to think of a game plan. And fast. Especially because we're short on players."

"Short on players?" Shrek asked, he admittedly only ever played Wii Sports, and even then, he could barely remember the rules. There were nine innings and four bases, but he didn't know squat about anything else.

"We need nine players at the very least." Levi said, "Professional teams have 25 in their lineups, but only nine ever go up to bat. We're gonna need two more players if we want to play."

"What about us?"

The source of the voice wasn't far, in fact, it was coming right towards the ragtag baseball team. Three adult men and a teenage girl approached, and Shrek's eyes widened as he realized who they were.

"F-Feitan!" Levi jumped, "How'd YOU get here? Aren't you supposed to be at home grading tests or something?"

"Aren't YOU supposed to be studying?" Feitan lifted his non-broken arm and flipped his hair, "Seem like we both ignoring what we supposed to do."

Behind the math teacher were the two other shadowy figures and a girl a few years older. Jack and Piers. Shrek made a mental note to call all of them Mr. with their last name following behind, as him knowing their first ones would raise suspicion.

"Hey, Marnie." Piers squinted at their baseball antagonists, "Aren't those the guys that threatened to kill Morpeko when you didn't go out with one of them?"

"I think so." The girl spoke, "The short one resembles 'em a lot."

"Well, well, maybe I oughta teach him a lesson." The biology teacher rolled up his sleeves. It seemed like there was more than one person with a vendetta now.

"Really..." Levi blushed shyly, "You guys know you're just making us look like total dorks right now, right?"

"Nah, I think you do that yourself." Jack pulled out his cigarette and put it out, "Ya got nine players for your team now, and two backups. Without us, they'd knock ya dead."

"What's embarrassing about supporting my little brother, anyways?" Feitan smiled and pretended to pout. "I'm hip and cool, aren't I?"

"Your arm is broken!" Levi shouted, almost a little too loudly, "How the hell are you supposed to swing a bat!?"

"With only one."

Shrek sat silently. Were they here because of him? To keep tabs on him in particular? If it were just about supporting Levi, then only Feitan would've shown up. Still, how could he have known that there was a baseball game involving his brother? Did he follow Levi's footsteps? He probably overheard from someone at school, Shrek thought, that seems like the most logical conclusion.

"Okay team, listen to me." Levi commanded, and everyone gave attention, "Batting order is Me, Naruto, Shrek, Feitan, Nepeta, Equius, Piers, Yuu, and then Dave. Marnie, Jack, you two sit out. Now let's go play ball!"

The whole team raised their fists in unison, and Shrek smiled. Nothing could ruin this moment, not even Feitan side-eyeing him in a way that pierced his very soul. 


	15. The Match Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ultimate baseball match begins.

Levi and Farquaad stood about three feet apart, their respective teams standing closely behind. There were two bats, two balls, and twenty mitts between them. It's always good to have extras, just in case. Shrek analyzed the other team, as Levi had given him a quick rundown to familiarize him:

There was Farquaad, the shortest teenager he'd ever seen, with a napoleon complex to boot. Prince Charming, Farquaad's supposed best friend. He had the same haircut, but blonde. Squillium, a fairy tale squid creature with a unibrow. Johnny, a blonde, long haired guy who wore his uniform improperly and wore a tacky ripped up beanie. Bakugo, an exchange student who looked like he would pick a fight with anyone who came near him. Caliborn, another fairy tale creature that Shrek almost mistook for an ogre. Koenma, a tall brunette with a stern demeanor. And finally, Tamaki, a smug pretty boy.

"Wait." Levi spoke up, "You only have eight players."

"Fiona and the Once-ler cancelled on us. Cory's dad won't let him leave the house." Farquaad's face curled in disgust. "We're waiting for someone else, and since it was last minute, it will be a bit."

Shrek's eyes widened, and he thanked Ogre God that he'd put a layer over his emotions. This guy was friends with the Once-ler? The same Once-ler that had driven Terezi to her eventual doom? Did they know? Did they know what he'd done to her? But a more important question was taking over every inch of Shrek's brain.

Why was the Once-ler avoiding this baseball match?

"No, we start the match now." Levi's voice rose as he stepped forward, "You wouldn't let us pull that shit."

"Yes we would!"

"No, you wouldn't!"

The boys glared at each other, and it was dead silent. Shrek side-eyed Nepeta, expecting her to be smiling and laughing, only to see that she was gripping Equius's hand with a stoic expression. What exactly was going on here?

"Farquaad, why'd you have to call me at a time like this? I have stuffs to do."

It was a troll girl, wearing the female version of the school uniform the boys wore. Her hair wasn't brushed and hung halfway down her back. Her eyes were under a frame of pink glasses and looked like they haven't had good rest in years. Something about her seemed off, like she wasn't mentally present.

Squilliam looked at her, discontent rising out of his face.

"Feferi, did you take out the trash today?"

"Nope." She smiled and laughed, walking over to the squid and placing her hand on his shoulder, "I'm not a fan of shores like that."

"Shores?" His unibrow furrowed, and his smirk arose.

"It's a pun! Shores and chores rhyme." Feferi was in hysterics at her own joke, but nobody else was laughing.

"You sure know how to pick 'em, Farquaad." Squilliam sighed and shook his head.

"Well, Portor-Ackerman, last chance to back out." The short private school boy held back a laugh, "You really want to make a laughingstock of yourself?"

"It'll be you that's gonna end up a laughingstock, fuckwad." Levi crossed his arms. "Let's just get to the game already."

"It's Farquaad. Far. Quad." The boy sneered, and the teams got into their positions.

* * *

Shrek sat on the bench, in between Naruto and Feitan. He watched as Levi crouched into batting position. Shrek never knew someone so short could look so fierce, but he couldn't say the same about the pitcher. He looked as if he was compensating by puffing out his chest to seem big. Shrek could only see it in the corner of his eye, but Feitan was intensely focused on the match. Naruto on the other hand was eating a bag of Doritos, and had refused to share with anyone. Dick.

"Watch out Packerman!" Farquaad taunted, "This one's gonna hit harder than your dad!"

The private school douchebag lifted his knee, and then swung the ball with all of his might. Levi swung in retaliation, and his bat came at the right trajectory to slam the ball at least enough for him to run to second base and be safe.

Except that's not what happened, and the ball was nestled safely in Koenma's glove. Shrek's brow furrowed, and wondered if he needed his eyes checked.

"Strike one!" Farquaad laughed as his comrade threw the ball back towards him. "What's wrong, Levi?" Farquaad taunted, "Have you been too busy watching the Barbie movies with your gay friend?"

"Throw the ball, you fucking tryhard." Levi said with venom in his voice. While things seemed serious, Shrek was at least happy that his friend was defending him.

Farquaad tossed the ball, underhand this time. And yet again, Levi was at the perfect trajectory to hit. Shrek had made note to pay as close attention as he could this time, and used his math skills to determine the perfect angle the bat would have to be at to hit. And yet again, it didn't hit.

Koenma's glove had claimed yet another strike.

"When you lose, be sure to go watch a Barbie movie to cheer yourself up!" Farquaad caught the ball once more. "You're gonna need it!"

The final throw, and Levi had struck out.

Farquaad's whole team was laughing uproariously.

"He couldn't even hit it!" Squilliam's nasally voice bust out, "What a loser!"

"Even my butler can hit better than that." Koenma stood up to stretch, "Man, just give it up."

Levi glared at Farquaad as he went to sit down, Naruto grabbing the bat from him. Shrek scooted up to the edge of the bench, but didn't move his eyes. Something about this baseball game wasn't right.

"You'd better believe that we're going to kick your ass, fuckwad!" Naruto was antsy, jumping back and forth like an excited dog over a fresh meal.

"It's. Far. Quaad." 

The ball was thrown with the same force, but not the same composure. It fell just below where it would've been possible to hit with a swing, and being the dumbass he is, Naruto swung anyways. Shrek didn't know much about baseball, but he knew from the times he'd played in middle school PE that this counted as a strike. Koenma's glove quickly jumped to cover the ball, almost suspiciously fast, and threw it back to Farquaad.

Another pitch. This one far more composed, and thus it landed in Koenma's mitt as Naruto furiously swung without reason. 

"I know you're short, but could you throw a little fucking higher!?" Naruto shouted, his teeth baring like the fangs of a fox. Shrek thought that maybe, just maybe, Naruto was taking this a bit too seriously.

Farquaad's face was no longer smug, just angry.

"Shut your mouth about my height!"

The ball flew, but not towards Naruto's bat, it slammed into the dirt as the blonde swung towards it anyways. Shrek squinted, and got a good look at the ball as it dragged in the dirt. It was sliding away from Koenma, so he couldn't hide it from view anymore. It was hard to see with the cloud of dust surrounding it, but Shrek knew what had happened.

The ball had been shrunk. By at least a few inches in diameter. It looked less like a baseball and more like a rubber bouncy ball. Another cloud of dust obscured it from view as, Shrek had assumed, the ball went back to normal size.

Was Farquaad a magical girl? It would check out, considering he and the Once-ler are apparently buddy buddy. Shrek grit his teeth. What a dick move, using your powers to get the upper hand in a baseball match of all things. The ogre boy was glad that he was up to bat next, because he had a plan that would put Farquaad in his place.

"You're cheating!" Naruto shouted, and turned to Koenma, "You got a magnet in that ball and glove, or something!?"

"That's not how physics work." Koenma threw the ball to Farquaad, "But it's not like I can expect intelligence from a public school kid."

"These are the guys you thought were worthy of our time, Farquaad?" Bakugo shouted as he pointed in Levi's general direction, "I've taken shits that can play baseball better than them!"

"It really is sad, isn't it, Bakugo?" Farquaad chuckled, "One more batter strikes out and the game is over. We don't even need to bat!"

"Good thing I won't strike out." Shrek grabbed the bat from Naruto. The orange shirted boy rose a middle finger to the pitcher before he went to go sit down next to Levi.

"How can you be so sure?" Farquaad smirked, he threw the ball up and down in his hand like a hackeysack, "This isn't a Barbie movie where the good guys always win. Some things are just out of your control, you know."

"Good thing this isn't one of them." Shrek ran his finger down the side of the bat before getting into position to swing. "Hit me with your best shot."

Farquaad raised an eyebrow, and then his knee. He threw his arm back, and then tossed the ball directly at Shrek. The ogre boy focused, drawing out the magic from the soul bracelet on his right arm and swung. The impact of the ball crashed against his bat, and it flew, flew, flew so far that it wasn't visible to anyone on the court that day. Shrunken or otherwise, Shrek had it in the bag. He ran, stomping on each base with an almost childlike glee.

And by god, the other team was mortified. Farquaad had turned ghostly white, his eye twitching as he followed Shrek. Koenma's free hand was on his mouth, Squilliam, Johnny, and Bakugo's mouths were agape, and Caliborn looked furious. Shrek stood on home base, removing the layer over his true emotions to show a smirk. This was the most proud he'd ever been in his life.

"SHREK! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?"

Levi was kneeling on the ground, next to the bat, or what was left of the bat. It was unrolled, vertically, and resembled a paddle more than a baseball bat. Shrek had known exactly what caused this, but thought it best not to say a truthful word. The scene ogre cursed himself for not sealing the bat back up, how could he be so careless? There was no going back, and it was time for damage control. He pretended to wipe his brow, so he could put another layer up to hide the look of Oh-God-What-Did-I-Just-Do on his face and opened his mouth for the best excuse he could think of:

"I guess the ogre strength popped out, sorry!"

In the corner of Shrek's eye, however, a private school boy scorned seethed in rage.


	16. A Premature End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The baseball match goes in places no baseball match should go.

"That's cheating!" Lord Farquaad pointed and yelled at Shrek, "You did something to that bat!"

"I-is breaking it against the rules?" Shrek asked as innocently as he could muster, knowing deep down that Farquaad was right. Lying about something like this wasn't moral, but fighting fire with fire was the only way to go in this case.

"You know what I'm talking about!" Farquaad fumed, "You have magical powers!"

Shrek's blood ran cold. The whole other team was likely magical girls, considering their affiliation with the Once-ler. And they had nothing to lose by talking openly about the powers they have to a fellow magical girl.

"Powers?" Levi's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and his mouth was open from the chuckle that slipped out after he said the word, "Have you idiots finally stopped buying oregano and got your hands on real drugs?"

"He-" Farquaad opened his mouth, but was quickly shut down by a tap on his shoulder.

"I've met ogres before." Prince Charming said calmly, "They are certainly brutish enough to break a bat in the same barbaric way our flamboyant friend here did."

"Y-yeah!" Koenma piped in, "My butler's a huge oaf who breaks stuff all the time just by tripping!"

"I, for once, agree with the other team." Charming pat the shoulder of Farquaad, "Lay off the drugs, Maximus. And let me be the pitcher."

Farquaad blushed, sucking in what seemed to be angry tears. The other team composed themselves, Charming playing the role of pitcher now.

Shrek unclenched his whole body, that was a close one. 

"Hey. Get off court."

And once again the clenching began. Feitan was on the court now, holding the spare bat. Shrek gave a quick thumbs up in nervous fear and almost sprinted to the bench, where he sat next to Naruto and on the edge. Once again, he couldn't get the blond to share his Doritos.

"Break a leg, to match your arm." Charming tied his hair into a ponytail, "May the best man win."

"I break leg, but not mine." Feitan got into the best batting position he could with only one arm, "Yours breaks."

Charming smirked, and leaned back to throw the ball. Out it went, flying straight towards Shrek's math teacher. The scene ogre honed in on the ball with his eyes, making sure the other team wasn't up to more dirty tricks, when a flash of light suddenly assaulted his retinas. He was even pushed back by the sheer intensity of the flash, yelping in pain and covering his eyes. It only lasted a second, but the fear of yet another loss had set in. Shrek opened his eyes.

And Feitan was running to home base, faster than the opponent chasing him. It was Squlliam, a look of fury flushed the squid's face as the math teacher's shoe clacked against home base with a satisfying thump. Charming didn't look so, well, charming anymore.

"Hm. So be it." He crossed his arms and looked directly at Shrek. The scene ogre anxiously gulped and turned his gaze to Naruto, who was eating chips like it was nobody's business. His gaze was returned by the blonde.

"You thtill aren't getting anhy chipth." Naruto said, mouth half full, "I paid good money for thethe."

"N-not even one?" Shrek begged, "I haven't had dinner tonight."

"You can have my chipth, Threk."

The scene teen turned his head around, and so did Naruto. It was Sollux and Aradia. The boy was holding a huge bag of Cheetos, while the girl was staring at the batter.

"Solorgre? Aradogre?" Shrek asked, perplexed as to why they'd want to watch this infuriating shitshow. "How'd you get here? WHY are you here?"

"Pfft." Sollux snorted, and pointed to the troll girl next to him, "If you didn't want uth to come here, maybe don't thay anything about Mithter Portor around her and attach it to a time and locathion. Thhe'd do anything to get a lock of hith hair to uthe in a black magic thpell to make him love her."

"Hey!" Aradia's attention turned back to Sollux, "Don't say that out loud!"

"Well then don't tell me thethe thingth!"

Aradia playfully chased Sollux through the park, and Shrek sighed. While he liked those two, he didn't think he could handle any more colorful characters that evening. He turned back to the match, only to see a tearful Nepeta up to bat.

"What's wrong puss?" Charming taunted, "Lost your boots?"

Nepeta sniffled, Shrek assumed that she likely got two strikes by the look on her face. He turned to Equius, and saw the troll boy seething. His teeth were clenched so tightly that it seemed like they would break at any second.

Nepeta missed the third pitch thrown at her, and she dropped the bat. Green tears welled in her eyes, a strong juxtaposition from what she was when Shrek met her.

"Haha!" Farquaad laughed, running towards Charming to high five him, "Look at her, crying like a bitch! Hey, Packerman, this is why you don't get girls to play on your team."

Shrek looked over at Nepeta, who was curled up into fetal position. He couldn't understand why she was so sad, it's not like it was her fault that Farquaad had been cheating. But then again, she didn't know that. In the corner of the scene teen's eye, he saw the boyfriend of the victim quickly stand up.

"Hey, Equius!" Levi called out, "We lost. The match is over. Let's just take the loss, okay?"

Equius seemed not to hear Levi's pleas as he approached the two boys heckling his girlfriend. He pat her head as he passed her, his expression growing softer for just that moment.

"Hey loser, how does it feel to- AH!"

Farquaad had been lifted by his collar, with only one of Equius's arms. 

"You apologize to Nepeta right now." Equius said in the most polite way someone who was pissed the fuck off could, "You aren't being nice."

"Well, I don't think nice people grab others by their collARRRRS!"

Prince Charming was now held up by Equius's other arm.

"You say you're sorry too."

Equius clearly wasn't having it. Shrek could tell that one more remark and both Farquaad and Charming would be turned into pulp. The rest of the opposing team, had backed off in fear. Were they really magical girls if they were afraid of a one boy with immense strength? Perhaps they had terrible powers, Shrek rationalized. Or rather they knew that he would step in if things got dicey. Before it came to that though, Jack of all people was standing by Equius's side.

"Hey, aint this just showing that you're just as bad as them?" Jack fidgeted with his cigar, "You can't get a genuine apology with violence."

Equius lowered the two boys, and released their collars. Charming dashed away, hiding behind Squilliam and Tamaki. Farquaad, however, stood his ground.

"I'm sorry." Equius pushed up his glasses, "I get very upset when people are mean to those I care about."

"We aren't being mean." The short boy crossed his arms, "It's just banter."

"Banter shouldn't hurt feelings." Equius was gritting his teeth again, "It should only make you laugh."

"Well maybe that pussy bitch girlfriend of yours needs a better sense of humor." Farquaad smirked, but it was quickly wiped off his face with a punch. He fell right into the dirt, knocked out.

"OH YEAH!" Naruto shouted, dropping his Dorito bag, "IT'S ON!" The blonde got up and dashed towards the other team, slamming his knee into Squlliam's nuts. Nishinoya and Dave followed suit, taking turns giving Caliborn the beatdown. They were quickly tackled by Bakugo, who was doing a number on Dave's face while Nishonoya tried to pull him off. Shrek wanted to leave, just to save his own ass, but he couldn't look away. Sollux had even taken a seat next to him, and was chowing down on Naruto's leftover Doritos with Aradia by his side. Levi was about to get up and join the beating, when Piers suddenly appeared in the center of the fight. He opened his mouth as wide as he could for what came next:

"STOP!"

The shout was so loud that everyone had to stop, only for the sake of finding the source of such a loud sound. Feitan got up and walked towards Equius, the only one who wasn't listening to his friend's command.

"Stop." He said, holding back Equius from laying another blow on Farquaad, "This isn't how civillized people act."

"And why should we listen to you?" Bakugo shouted as he held Nishinoya's face in the dirt.

Feitan's eyes narrowed. He let go of Equius and walked up to the private school douchebag. He glared at him in a way that Shrek could feel scorching into his skin even from the safe distance he was at. And that's when it happened.

All of a sudden, the tips of every blade of grass had been scorched off, as if a fire had started and then instantly put out. The air was warmer too, like the season was instantly changed back to summer. Feitan watched as Bakugo pulled his hands off of Nishinoya in fear, a possible understanding between the two that the private school boys aren't the only magical girls on the block.

"Because I said so." 

As the words came out of Feitan's mouth, the private school boys dashed away. Nishinoya got up and coughed up dirt, Dave was knocked out cold, and Naruto was laughing hysterically. Equius was petting Nepeta's hair gingerly, a stark contrast from the all-out punchout he just instigated. The private school boys had won the match, but not the war. At least, that's how it seemed. Shrek sighed in relief, whatever Feitan's affiliation was, he was a good guy in his mind.

"D'ya think they're gonna tell their daddies on us?" Marnie questioned Shrek, who he had forgotten was even there, "I don't want my brother to go to jail again."

"Again?" Shrek asked, "Mr. Spikemuth is a felon?"

"Oh whoops." Marnie blushed, "I forgot you're his student."

Shrek didn't press for an answer, and instead got up to see what was up with the rest of his team.

"Man, that Bakugo guy is such a bitch!" Nishinoya hacked up some more dirt, "Going straight for the nuts like that is plain cruel."

"That's why you go for his nuts first." Dave said, offering his friend a water. "That's what Dirk tells me to do."

Shrek ignored their conversation outwardly, but inwardly he thought going for the nuts was a dick move. Unless he was in another fight with the Once-ler. Then he'd go for the nuts. He approached Levi and Feitan, who seemed to be arguing.

"No more fight like this." Feitan sternly stated. "You tell me what you do after school from now on. If you lie, you are punished."

"But-"

"No buts." Feitan put a finger in Levi's face, "You are better than this. Act like it."

Levi's bottom lip quivered, and his eyes seemed shinier than they normally were. His face looked a little bit puffy, like he was holding something in. His unblinking eyes didn't move either. Shrek could tell, this was a boy who was about to cry.

"Yo Levi." Naruto came between the two brothers, "Are we still going to Red Robin? That nerd over there ate all my fucking Doritos." Shrek turned his head to look, and it was revealed that the blond was pointing towards Sollux. A smug look was on the troll boy's face as he waved.

Levi's mouth was a thin line, and his breathing was heavy. It seemed like the dam of his tears was about to burst at any second.

"You can go to Red Robin." Feitan said, "But only if you bring those two."

He too was pointing towards Sollux and Aradia.

"What?" Levi went from sad to perplexed, "But why?"

"Because I come here on foot and I don't want her to follow me home."

Shrek couldn't help but snort, no layer could hide the hilarity of Feitan knowing about his friend's crush on him. He watched as Levi ran off to his friends to tell them the great news that Red Robin was, indeed, still on. For some reason, Feferi was among the group. Shrek had assumed that maybe the attitude of her schoolmates had turned her, but that was only his assumption. 

The scene teen watched as they all jumped for joy and chest bumped each other. Nepeta had even stopped crying, and was being given a piggyback ride as the whole team (and Sollux and Aradia) left for dinner. Shrek started to follow, but his wrist was grabbed. And tightly.

Shrek turned around and saw that Feitan was gripping his arm, with Jack, Piers, and Marnie all standing behind him.

"Where you think you going? We have something to discuss."


	17. The Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek is confronted by the shadowy figures.

Shrek sweat nervously. The layer of emotion was still covering him, but he was unsure if it would truly be effective on the sheer amount of anxiety he felt surround him. He was frozen in time, looking at the four blank faces before him. If he wanted to say anything, it wasn't going to come out.

"Are you coming with uth, Threk?"

Shrek's heart jumped, and his head turned. It was Sollux, standing alone with his hands nested in his pockets like it was nobody's business.

"We can thare thome bottomleth frieth." The nerd said, smile on his face, "That way we can have a two dollar all you can eat buffet!"

"No thank you. Piers and Marnie are giving me a ride home." Shrek said, no, that's what came out of his mouth. What the scene ogre had meant to say was more along the lines of 'fuck yeah, I'm starved' but here he was saying things he didn't even think. He'd never call Mr. Spikemuth by his real name so casually like that!

Sollux raised an eyebrow. Yes, good. Shrek thought, please see through this ruse somehow.

"You thure?"

"Yes. My momogre wants me home soon."

Fuck. Shrek thought, that's not what I wanted to say! Nevertheless, Sollux laughed and dashed to catch up with the rest of the group. Shrek envied them, for they were going to have a meal of burgers and fries, possibly with a milkshake on top. None of them knew the truth, that the people holding him back had attacked him and Karkat not too long ago.

Feitan let go of Shrek's wrist, the scene teen jumping back at the sensation. He wanted to run, but something told him that wouldn't be the best idea.

"Now Shrek, mind explaining what you really did to that bat?" Jack put out his cigar and crossed his arms, "We aren't mad that you broke it, we're just curious about it."

"Yeah, it was really, really strange watchin' that bat bend." Piers yawned, "Almost like it was on command."

Shrek thought of his father, on the onion fields. He was trembling, trembling with fear, trembling with onions. Trembling, trembling, trembling. And as the sound of something running in the dirt grew in his ears, he knew at last who the tenth layer was.

The tenth layer, was him.

"SHREEEEEK YOU MOTHERFUCKEEEEEER!"

The words rang in Shrek's eardrums as he was punched in the gut, but lightly enough so it ricocheted off his stomach fat and didn't hurt too much. When he came to from the shock, he knew at last who'd punched him.

It was Karkat, thank Ogre God.

Shrek's shirt, however, was gripped tightly as he was swung back and forth as his friend yelled in his face.

"YOU CAN'T JUST SEND SOMEONE A MESSAGE LIKE THAT AND TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE, FUCKFACE!"

"S-s-something came up, Karkogre!" Shrek was being shook so rapidly that his head started to hurt, "I'm sorry!"

"YEAH. YOU HAD A FUCKING BASEBALL MATCH WITH LEVI AND OUR TEACHERS. SOLLUX TOLD ME THE WHOLE ENCHILADA." Karkat leaned in close to Shrek's face and ceased the shaking, "NOW TELL ME. WHO ARE THEY?"

"Karkat should we really be talking about this in front of other pe-"

"WHO ARE THE ONES WHO RAIDED OUR LOCKERS THE DAY TEREZI GOT EXPELLED?"

A clever attempt at masking their true identities as magical girls, Shrek noted, and decided to play along.

"It was nobody, we just forgot to put our stuff in there." Shrek lied and winked, hoping Karkat would take the bait so they could at least attempt to get out of this for even just one more day.

"Bull. FUCKING. SHIT." Karkat shouted, "BULLSHIT, WHO WERE THEY, ASSHOLE?"

It was over. Shrek thought, there was no getting out of this. He looked to his side, for he couldn't look Karkat in the eyes.

"They're people we already know." Shrek admitted.

"And?" Karkat asked.

"Look behind you."

Karkat turned his neck, and saw the wide eyes of the four figures that had shown up to fill in for the missing players at the baseball game. They seemed surprised. Dumbfounded even. 

"Really?" Feitan asked, "Did you wish to know that?"

"Well, looks like waitin' to tell these guys was a bad idea." Marnie crossed her arms and looked up at her brother, "One of 'em wasted a wish."

"Yeah..." Piers scratched his neck, "It explains why he was afraid of us. If I knew my teachers were involved in witch fighting at that age, I'd shit my pants too. Just so you know, we aren't gonna hurt ya or anythin' like that."

Shrek and Karkat looked at each other. THESE were the shadowy figures? Shrek had already known, but he expected them to be more menacing when their secret was out. That they had only spared them for unknown reasons. Karkat on the other hand was shaking, his eye twitching and lip quivering. He turned his gaze back to the group of allies, or enemies, whatever they were.

Karkat's whole body flashed, and he was suddenly in his magical girl outfit. He raised his sickle and pointed it at the three men and the one girl.

"Where the fuck is Terezi?"

Feitan looked away, Jack lit another Cigar, and Piers bit his lip. Not one of them seemed even the least bit frightened. A moment of silence between all six of them was held for about ten seconds.

"Let's go to a better place to discuss this, and put that away." Jack blew out his cigar smoke, "I don't want any of the bad incubators to hear or see us."

"Incubators?" Karkat asked, "What the fuck does that have to do with Terezi?"

"We show you." Feitan said, pulling out his car keys. "Talking about it in public is bad, and he explain it better."

"He?" Shrek chimed in.

"Our boss."

Shrek and Karkat got into Feitan's car reluctantly, the latter being convinced by the former to put his sickle away. Considering these three were the same guys who knocked them out effortlessly, the smarter choice seemed to be obeying what they said rather than attempting to fight them off. Feitan drove a car with only five seats; The man himself drove, Piers sat shotgun, Marnie sat in the back left seat, Karkat sat in the middle back seat, and Shrek sat on the right back seat.

"Um..." Shrek spoke as Feitan started the car, "Where's Mr. Noir going to sit?"

"In the trunk, duh." Piers reclined his chair, his hair invading Shrek's personal space.

"He walking to destination." Feitan pulled into the road about began to drive. "It not far."

The drive to their unknown location was quiet in terms of conversation, but loud in terms of everything else. Feitan was blasting some metal music with lyrics Shrek swore wasn't in any language known to man. The scene teen was nervous, and he could tell by the fact that Karkat was gnawing on his nails that the feeling wasn't so out of place. What the hell were they doing? Going along with whatever these guys wanted from them. It all seemed so casual, like a road trip and not a kidnapping. It was basically a hostage situation without the stakes laid out in front of them. Who knows what would've happened if they had been uppity with their captors, seeing as they had no qualms about knocking them out inside of a witch barrier of all places.

Feitan pulled up to a gated mansion and rolled down the window to touch the keypad that held the gate shut. He input a number, and viola. The doors parted and they were in.  
As they drove towards the mansion, Shrek could see just how big the mansion was. It must've been four floors tall, and there must've been 50 rooms and a courtyard. Trees surrounded it like it was its own micro castle, the only thing lacking was a moat.

"Wow, I had no idea you were so affluent!" Shrek said, hoping to get on his math teacher and captor's good side, "Very nice house."

"It not mine." Feitan said, annoyed, "It our boss's."

The five of them got out and walked up the steps to the door. There were roman style columns surrounding the house, and statues of angels pouring pitchers into the gardens. Jack waved as his friends arrived, pulled out a key, and opened the door.

The first thing they saw was a staircase, gilded with a red carpet that tapered down and extended side to side. More statues of angels stood symmetrical on the sides of the stairs, with paintings of even more angels on the walls.

"Jesus Christ." Karkat said, "Are you guys part of a mega church pyramid scheme or something?"

"Pfft." Piers snorted, "Hell no." He walked up the stairs, "C'mon lads, he's up here."

The five followed, walking through the hallway. More paintings of angels. Some of them were cherubs, some were seraphim, and some were just plain messed up looking. Shrek wished he could standby and let himself get lost in the art. Allow himself to forget that he was in some deep shit he barely understood. It wasn't long before they reached a golden door with a multi-eyed, crucified figure etched into the wood.

"He's a good guy." Jack knocked on the door, "Don't worry your little heads about impressing him."

The door flung open on the third knock, and Shrek jumped back. Nothing was there to open it, instead the only figure he could see was laying on a red satin bed with sheets of silk pinned to the walls with a chandelier illuminating the room. It was dimly lit, with only a few candles on the chandelier burning.

They all walked in, the three men going first with Marnie, Shrek and Karkat standing behind.

"Wake up boss." Jack said, "We got news for you."

"Really now?"

The man adjusted his bed, and it began to recline into a couch. His body folded upwards, revealing that he was covered only by the leopard print robe he wore. A glass of wine was held steadily in his right hand, and his hair was a mess. As he finally reached the 90 degree angle that couches normally are, he wiped his brow and opened his eyes.

"Well, well, well." Gendo smiled, "If it isn't my three little bitches."


	18. Gendo?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shrek and Karkat have a talk with the principal.

"Mr. Ikari?" Shrek blurted out. No layer placed over his true emotions could hide the confusion he was feeling at that moment. The principal in front of him seemed like an entirely different person. Sure, he was laid back, but not lounging in a leopard print robe with a glass of wine inside of a mansion type of laid back. 

Gendo's eyes went wide at the sound of Shrek's voice, his whole body wincing as if he'd heard the sound of sudden lightning. Dribbles of wine hit his sheets as he adjusted himself, looking directly at each of his visitors. Bewildered, he looked directly at Jack.

"Well what the hell is this?"

Gendo was gesturing towards Shrek and Karkat, his free hand waving in circles for dramatic effect.

"What they seem to be is teenage magical girls." Jack shook his head, "It makes sense, all things considered. They both know the Once-ler."

"This why you don't doubt me, boss." Feitan shook his head, "I tell you who the ogre boy is and you don't listen. I tell you Once-ler is incubator and you don't listen."

"Hey, we don't know that for sure." Piers corrected, "It's only a theory."

The principal sipped the last of his alcohol, and hand-waved his bitches to silence themselves.

"Can't you guys call ahead for shit like this so I'm at least awake for it?" Gendo put down his wine and turned his gaze to the two boys. "You two. I have a few questions to ask."

Before Shrek could open his mouth to comply, Karkat had stepped forward. His body was shaking like a leaf, and his jaw was twitching from all the teeth grinding.

"You tell us what you did with Terezi first." Karkat balled his fists, "Where is she?"

"Hopefully heaven." Gendo bluntly stated, "I don't want to think about children going to Hell. It would be too cruel."

"I MEANT HER BODY, YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT!" Karkat's voice-cracked scream echoed off the walls, shaking the chandelier above Gendo's bed. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO WITH MY FRIEND'S BODY?"

"Calm down." Gendo yawned, "I was only making a joke to lighten the mood." He reached into his robe pocket, pulled out a cigarette, and lit it. After a deep breath and an exhale of white smoke, he explained.

"Terezi's body has been buried at the Alternia cemetery." Gendo blew out a smoke ring. "I explained to her family that I could use my money and resources to give her the best medical treatment there is, but her sister didn't trust me."

"I wouldn't either, frankly." Karkat snarled.

"Watch the attitude little man." Gendo's casual expression melted into a glare, "I'm one of the few people in this secret little world of magical girls that isn't out to get you."

"What do you mean by that?" Shrek asked, stepping forward to stand next to Karkat. "Are you a magical girl too? Is the whole school staff magical girls?"

Gendo smiled at Shrek.

"I don't feel like answering two questions for free, so I'll answer that if you answer my questions first, alright?"

"Okaygre."

Gendo crossed his legs and snapped his fingers. Jack pulled out a clipboard, Marnie and Feitan walked to the door, and Piers conjured a boombox. Instrumental rock music began to fill the room as he turned it on.

"No, no." Gendo instructed, "I want some piano music for this."

"Whatever you say, boss." Piers reluctantly changed the song to something softer. 

"Much better!" Gendo gave a thumbs up of approval. He focused his full attention on Shrek and Karkat. He put out his cigarette in a golden ashtray, which was promptly taken away by Piers.

"Jack, Piers, Feitan and I are all part of an organization." Gendo leaned back in his chair, "Our mission is to prevent vulnerable teenagers from becoming magical girls, and to punish those who indoctrinate them. So I have to ask. Who turned you two?"

Shrek's blood ran cold. He distinctly remembered Mr. Hedgehog asking him to keep the situation hush hush. But was he really to be trusted? Shrek looked at Karkat, who was shaking and grinding his teeth. Their eyes met, letting the other know that the dilemma was shared. If Karkat, someone who's known Mr. Hedgehog for longer and has likely given him grief seeds, is having trouble deciding if he should say anything, then what was he to do?

"Go on." Gendo waved his hands and laughed, "Just say it. I don't have all night, and neither do you."

"It was a Hedgehog." Karkat gulped, "Sonic the Hedgehog."

"We kill Sonic before Shrek made wish."

Shrek and Karkat turned around, seeing none other than Feitan blocking the door.

"He had no power during his fight with Once-ler." Feitan crossed his arms, "Sonic already dead that day."

"So you're lying to me?" Gendo fake sniffled and forced his voice to break, "I thought we were really hitting it off."

"Boss." Jack tapped his notepad, "This ain't the time for jokes."

It was then that Shrek really took in his surroundings. His three teachers had kidnapped him, and had taken him to this flamboyant mansion owned by the principal who was now joking about being hurt that he and Karkat aren't selling out the one who gave them their magical girl powers. 

Shrek thought of Shadow the Hedgehog, in the auto shop room. He was thinking, thinking harder than he ever had before. Was Karkat under a threat? No, that couldn't be it. Shrek would've been threatened too. Does he want him to create more magical girls? Can't be that either. Not after he and the Once-ler severed ties and he watched Terezi die. What was it then?

"It was Shadow." Shrek spoke up, looking over to Karkat. His friend was now shaking less like a leaf and more akin to a jackhammer.

"Wait, wait, wait." Gendo shook his head, "So it wasn't the Once-ler?"

"No."

"Ha!" Gendo laughed and pointed at Feitan, "I told you he's not an incubator!"

"We still don't know that!" Feitan retaliated, Gendo's chandelier lighting up for a split second.

"Oh yeah?" Gendo turned back to the students, "Hey, you two, what's the deal with the Once-ler then."

Shrek looked at Karkat, who was attempting to compose himself. He was breathing heavily and looking around the room desperately for something to focus on. His hands were clenching and unclenching rapidly.

"Hey, hey." Gendo frowned, "What's up with you?"

"Shadow said that if I told anyone." Karkat wrapped his arms around his own body. He slunk onto the ground, dry heaving as he did, "H-he'd take away my wish and-."

Shrek felt a deep pit in his stomach, were they both going to lose their wishes? He had no idea what that would entail for him, much less for Karkat. Whatever his friend's wish was, it was deeply important to him. And Shrek just took it away, the guilt the ogre felt in that moment was-

"There's no way he can do that." Gendo awkwardly laughed in an attempt to diffuse the situation. "Physically impossible. Once a magical girl makes a wish, that's that."

"Really?" Shrek didn't break eye contact with Gendo as he dropped to his knees to pat Karkat's back. "You swear on it?"

"I know for a fact that he can't because..." Gendo's voice trailed off, and he bit his lip.

"Because what?" Shrek recoiled his hand as Karkat pushed him away.

"Because..."

"Boss." Jack chimed in, "Just spit it out. None of us have all night."

Gendo groaned in irritation, and looked at the ground for a second.

"I am an incubator, or at least I was."


	19. Let's Call it a Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gendo needs shuteye

"When a magical girl reaches a certain age without becoming a witch, they become an incubator."

Gendo sipped his wine, "From then on, they can create more magical girls by granting wishes. Those wishes power you up, blah blah blah." The principal chugged the rest of his wine down, wiping his mouth when he was done. "My goal, and by extension Piers, Feitan and Jack's goal, is to destroy every active incubator before they create another apocalypse level witch. And just so you know, we're accepting new recruits any time."

Shrek kneeled, Karkat slowly stabilizing by his side. Shrek thought for a moment, the jolly man before him seemed to be more stone faced and irritated than before. He didn't know what to say about all of this.

"Listen. If you guys live to be my age. Never grant a wish. Ever." Gendo poured some wine into his glass. "Now can you tell us what's up with the Once-ler so we can all go home?"

"I wasn't involved with it, but I think I know the basics." Shrek stood up, and put his hands in his pockets, "The Once-logre would bum off of other magical girls for their grief seeds, I think."

"H-he never fucking fought a witch for himself." Karkat slowly got back on his feet, "It was always me, Terezi, and Eridan doing his dirty work."

"See kids..." Gendo sipped his wine, "That's what we like to call a freeloader. Just kick his back into line and he'll learn to fight witches on his own soon enough."

"The Once-ler is far stronger than any of us." Karkat scoffed, "I TRIED kicking his ass, but he's tough as fucking nails when he wants to be."

Gendo rubbed his beard and stared for a minute, biting his lip as if there was something he knew he shouldn't say.

"I tell you boss. He an incubator in disguise." Feitan said just loud enough to be heard across the room, "He not grant wishes, but he fit all the other criteria." Gendo rolled his eyes as he sipped more wine.

"Okay, y'know what? Let's call it a day." Gendo began to recline his chair back into a bed, "Let's finish this conversation on Monday when we're all well rested and have had time to think about things, okay?"

"But boss," Jack's brow furrowed, "Today's Monday."

"Whatever." Gendo was now fully reclined and he pressed a button that opened up a compartment in his wall, "Clean your soul gems and call it a night."

Shrek looked at the compartment as Feitan walked towards it. He rummaged for a second before emerging with two grief seeds.

"These for you two. If no witch appear and your soul gem very dark, use it." He practically dropped the seeds into the boys' hands, "Only four uses on them, use wisely."

Shrek thought of Gendo, sleeping in his golden bed in a golden mansion. He was afraid, perplexed, but most of all curious. And as he pulled out his soul gem and saw it shine brightly in front of him, he knew at last what he wanted to do. Shrek wanted to protect everyone from the Once-ler's wrath.


End file.
